Sunday, March 05, 2006

Everything You Wanted to Know About Farts and More

First off, thank you to everyone for their kind words and understanding.
I am going to do my best to be out here blogging as much as I possibly can, and to clarify to everyone, I am not quitting blogging but the frequency of my blogging will decrease. Conversely, the title of my latest post is about a subject that appears to have increased for me.
Farting.
I just seem to be more gassed up than a Greyhound bus lately and I don't know why.
Maybe I am swallowing too much aggression.
Anyway I did some research and found some interesting fart facts
that I am going to share with you today.
  • An average fart is composed of about 59 percent nitrogen, 21 percent hydrogen, 9 percent carbon dioxide, 7 percent methane, and 4 percent oxygen. Less than 1 percent of its makeup is what makes a fart stink.
  • The temperature of a fart at its time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
  • If you fart and a little bit of poo comes out that is known as sharting.
  • A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
  • What types of farts are there? Thank goodness for The Fart Dictionary.
  • Other words for fart can be found here at The Fart Thesarus.
  • Why does a dog's fart smell so bad? Here is your answer. A carnivore's protein-rich diet produces relatively small amounts of intensely stinky gas because proteins contain lots of sulfur. A dog's or cat's farts are rarely audible, but the odor is overwhelming. Biologists have been asked why dogs and cats generally fart silently, and their theories include: (1) the amount of gas produced is small, but potent, (2) the horizontal orientation of their gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening, so the gas is expelled more slowly, (3) their anal sphincters don't close as tightly as humans' because it takes less force to hold in the contents of the colon -- again because of the horizontal orientation of the gastrointestinal system -- and a loose anus makes less sound, and, my favorite (4) dogs and cats don't feel embarrassed about farting, so their sphincters are more relaxed, leading to less noisy flatulence.
  • Women fart as much as men.
  • The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur, which is the smelly component. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include beans, cabbage, cheese, eggs, and soda.
  • Most people pass gas about 14 times per day.
  • Farts are flammable so you can ignite farts.
  • Believe it or not, the animal that wins this honor of farting the is the humble termite. Because of their diet and digestive processes (with more than the usual microbial assistance), they produce as much methane as human industry. Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming.
  • And finally the answer to the age-old question that has plagued mankind: Can you capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use? It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment:
    Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way.
    Here is one way to capture a fart in a jar. Do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter.

I hope you enjoyed some insight on farts.
Now go out there and break wind in somone's general direction.

35 comments:

angel, jr. said...

You should be able to capture a fart in jar. Didn't eBay sell jars filled with air breathed by celebrities? If they could capture Gweneth Paltrow's air, they could definitely catch a fart.

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

I rip 'em all the time.

It should be no surprise I am full of hot air.

Phats said...

Wow never would have guessed that about a termite, interesting! Thanks for the info, never knew that much about farting.

Steph said...

You are a wealth of information. what would we do without you???

Fuckkit said...

Only 14 times a day?

Darius Torque said...

As long as you pass by my little 'missif' occaisonally, I'll be happy!
Wait...there's pictures of the updated - pond a coming.
(I'm sure your all 'a quiver')

Darius

Jon said...

My wife remembers a time when I was afraid to fart in front of her. Now, I think she really misses those days.

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Ah I'm so glad to be a fish. No nasty little problems like this, but even if there were, in our culture it's perfectly acceptable to swim in your own poo.

the_mrs said...

Could you imagine if more than 1% of a farts makeup made a fart stink? People would be dropping like flies!

missy said...

Termite fart contributes to global warming... green peace didn't tell us that!!

lol!

leo myshkin said...

thanks for the tip. i'm gonna fart in a bag right now and mail it to the pope.

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

I once tried the tub fart thing, ended up with a lincoln log floating around.

Gotta be careful how much outward pressure you muster into it.

LBseahag said...

Awesome...

I would totally buy a celebrity fart on ebay....

nicole said...

SHARTING????????

Ever burned off farts with a match? And I don't mean as they're erupting. I mean afterwards, when they've stunk up the place. Works like a charm.

That is, if you're overly concerned with eradicating the resulting funk.

Thrilled that you're still with us, Shife. Even if it's gonna be less often.

Sideshow said...

Sweet! Nothing beats a good fart...except maybe a good fart in an enclosed space.

Tina said...

Farts can keep you warm in the winter under the covers too


hahaha

Big Mama said...

Umm... EEEeewwwww, LOL!!! Everything I never wanted to know about farts.
Glad to know your insides are working overtime. You are so funny I just have to share this with my 11 year old. He thinks farts were invented just for him to giggle about.

SuperSpyGal said...

Funny thing is...I woke up this morning and had these very questions on my mind...and Lo and Behold I come to your blog and all my questions were answered
You're a God send, MrShife !!

Luke said...

How funny! And I can totally see people doing the "capture in a jar underwater" thing!

Dirk the Feeble said...

I'm totally trying the fart-in-a-jar thing when I get home. That's some seriously good advice.

Also, I fart more than 14 times/0.5 liters per day.

Atalanta said...

How do you measure a liter of farts? o.o

Great post. ^^

White Dade said...

Well, if this is what the new Shife Blog is going to be like, then I guess change is a good thing.

Deshaun said...

I'm farting right now!

Andraste said...

Genius. Thank you for this informative and insightful post. The most important thing: Women fart as much as men. That'll wipe the self-satisfied smiles off a few faces.

Me likey.

SugarHigh said...

LMAO! I feel so informed now. thank you.LOL! I always wondered about the dog fart thing. My Tobi can kill a whole city block with the bombs he lays.

whoami929 said...

I can't believe I read that entire post. And at what point I asked said outloud, "Really? I didn't know that." I need to get out more.

Pollyanna said...

You're such a dude. A fart post. Ha.

Is that thing about termites true? *shudder*

mona said...

What are the bubbles in that jar- just my farts!
eek..

Mandy said...

for some reason when I read the title I assumed it would be about something other than farts...why I would've doubted the title and all that was to come, I have no idea. Thanks for the info.

Christopher said...

We have a fart cup at work. Every week we declare the biggest windbag of the week. It's pretty tense competition

Phats said...

That bunny picture cracks me up

The Phoenix said...

Watch out for those

SHART ATTACKS!

Nancy said...

I can't believe I sat here and read the whole post on farts, but it was facinating. My nephew calls it fluffing. I fluffed.

SirPauli said...

You can capture a fart in a jar. I've done it and posted the video on YouTube. Simply type in "Captured Fart". I want to try it again and hopefully it will be flamable this time around.

Carrick Austin said...

After owning 3 different cats, and caring for 5 others over the last 5 years, I have learned the answer to this question.do cats fart