
Did that sound bitter?
Well I might be a little jaded when it comes to Valentine's Day, but I am going to put aside my differences and offer my wisdom to everyone out there.
So here is my list of gifts that should not be purchased on Cupid's big day if you ever want to exchange body fluids with this person again.
- Toilet paper
- Prune juice
- Cleaning supplies
- Tampons and/or feminine hygiene products
- Weight Watchers consultation or gym membership
- Cooking classes
- Breath mints
- One-way Greyhound bus ticket
- Severed head
- A Sexually Transimitted Disease
- Nothing
- Lice
- Hair Removal Wax
- PMS Relief Pills
- Pregnancy Test
- Laundry
- A casket
- Carpenter ants
- Deodorant
- Adult diapers
- Body cavity search
- Smoked Pastrami
- An "All Aboard" tattoo on your ass
- A flesh-eating virus
- Frequent & burning urination
And just so you ladies don't feel left out, here are 10 not-so-great ideas for the man in your life.
- A shaver for his back
- Nose hair trimmer
- Penis pump
- Premature ejaculation cream
- A video of you having sex with his best friend
- Another circumcision
- Explosive diarrhea
- Sex change operation
- Tickets to "Brokeback Mountain"
- Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits
Comments
All the other things you listed I totally agree with
So for the man...is it ok though, to trim his back and nose hair for him? haha
BUT . . what's wrong with ABBA's Greatest Hits???????? Or Wham's Greatest Hits for that matter? Hall and Oates?
If Shifey can love the Hoss, I can keep my bad music (as long as they are hidden among the GOOD music).
Thank you.....Have a nice day !
DG -- Maybe next year you won't be so lucky.
Tina -- Totally a woman's holiday. Men need a special day too.
Phats -- Hope you have the receipt.
Missy -- ABBA has a few songs that are tolerable especially if you are drunk. But Barry is 100% sucky.
MD -- You can rock out to whatever you want.
Ann -- This is the pump that is suppose to make your penis bigger.
Angel -- Amen.
SSG -- Amen.
LOS -- Amen.
Scarlett -- You were traumatized? You should have seen me.
I'll have my commentary on VD (gotta love those initials) up tonight at some point. You can just imagine where it'll be headed with my spiteful ass.
No Carpenter ants? Really? I guess I'm just weird then.
I don't think the blog world is ready for the two of us to consult on lists together... hehe
Unless his best friend happens to be a hot girl.....
;)
wow, those are some excellent choses there mrshife. i got a big gas out of the prune juice. see what i did there? teehee
Thanks!