At the movies with the Dumb, White Guy

I have been doing this for more than a month and I still have not ran across a movie that even remotely interests me. Of course Kate Beckinsale in tight leather outfits in "Underworld: Evolution" did pique an interest in some places but Mrs. Shife reads this occasionally so I better stop talking about that. So if you are not too busy watching the Winter Olympics (I almost forgot. The final four episodes of "Arrested Development" air on Fox Friday night. Please, television gods, let some other network pick up this show. I need the Bluths) and have some free time here are the new releases this week.

"Curious George"
The adventures of Curious George, the inquisitive little monkey.
This will be cute and cuddly and something the whole family can enjoy.
Fortunately my family is not into cute and cuddly this week.

I will be at home spanking the monkey.

"Final Destination 3"
The fright-filled Final Destination franchise returns to theaters with its third installment.
So will the Grim Reaper kill all those wacky teenagers who have the worst luck ever?
Probably not. At least one of them will survive and I bet there is some gratuitous nudity.

If you enjoy horror movies then this could be more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Harrison Ford stars in this action thriller as the head of network security at a bank.
Some dudes take his family hostage and then Indiana Jones must save the day.
Who is going to save me when this film takes my brain hostage?

Beat me over the head with a monkey wrench.

"Pink Panther"
Steve Martin stars as Inspector Jacques Clouseau.
Pardon my French but this looks dumb as hell.

I would fling monkey poo on whoever made me watch this piece of shit.

BOLD PREDICTION: Last weekend's top movie was "When A Stranger Calls," and my choice for the top dog this weekend is another horror flick, "Final Destination 3."

Have a super weekend.

P.S. If the movie reviews don't do it for you we can talk about "Lost" or "24."
Lost was good last night. Sawyer is not a nice man, but he did show everybody that there is indeed a new sheriff in town.
24 was also good. It looks like Jack is going to get himself in another tight spot, and Lynn getting beat up in the alley and losing his wallet is going to cause some serious problems down the road.


  1. I saw a trailer for "FD3" the other night when I went to "Good Night,Good Luck." It might be of vague interest, if only to see a vain self-tanning idiot cook alive inside a bed. That's what she gets for trying to be one of the Cheetoes.

  2. I hope I don't get mocked severly but I loved Final fantasy 1 and 2 haha! I watched both for the first time over Halloween, however I love scary movies.

    Pink Panthers looks incredibly stupid.

  3. BTW i see you all hired Erickson, that's a great hire my friend maybe turn your program around.

  4. I liken "Pink Panther" to "The Bodyguard." A film that features a well-known actor starring alongside a vocally endowed, yet theatrically challenged diva.

    A recipe for cinematic disaster in my book.

  5. Dennis Erickson ? No way !

  6. Curious George? Ew. I've always found that little monkey to be creepy. I wouldn't pay to see it unless I got to watch a barrel of monkeys fling poo at him while he spanked his monkey with a monkey wrench.

    Final Destination 3...Hmmmm...the first one was pretty good, the second was good but bordering on not so good...hasn't Hollywood learned to leave a good thing alone? Guess not.

    Firewall...Yawn...Harrison Ford has lost any and all appeal since hooking up with Miss Thin Mint.

    Pink Panther...I have never watched any of the Pink Panther movies. The whole concept of a pink cat just irritates me. Steve Martin should just hang it up and go home.

  7. When and WHY did they stop making decent movies???

    When was the last time anyone saw a movie and thought "Wow, that was totally worth the $8.00 I paid to sit down and watch it."?

  8. I think they are taking this final destination thing too far. Although, the whole roller coaster thing looks pretty scary!

  9. There is nothing like the original Pink Panther movies !!

    I hate when they do re-makes and they come off stupid.....why can't Hollywood just leave well enough alone...damn them !!

  10. Rev -- That could be worth the price of admission.

    Phats -- We won't mock you Phats. At least not to your face. And yes we got Erickson. Vandal nation is pretty excited.

    Nicole -- You are a wise woman.

    CH -- Yes way!!

    ME -- Yes, it looks like you will have better luck finding a movie at the video store.

    MD -- For me it was Thanksgiving when I saw "Walk the Line."

    Cupcake -- I like the original Pink Panther films but the Steve Martin version looks idiotic.

    Lilly -- I don't think Hollywood even knows what excessive means.

    SSG -- Because originality is dead.

  11. Good reviews. I have to watch "Curious George" as my 3 year old nephew is making me--holding me hostage.

  12. Out of the 4 mentioned here, 3 have all been done before. How many "Final Destinations" are they going to make? It doesn't seem to be very final, does it?

    I'm totally into Lost. Sawyer is my favorite "Long Con". I just hate it when they play a new episode and then an old one the next week because I am totally lost most of the time with all the flashbacks before I figure out, "Dam, I've already seen this one!"

  13. I love this new feature!!!! I hope there is something worth reviewing coming out soon!! I will make offerings to the television Gods that your show is picked up by another network!!!

  14. what's up with that Curious George creator dude getting murdered?

    I think Jack Johnson did it...or Reese Witherspoon...

  15. I haven't picked up the Lost fever even after seeing the first 3 episodes when it premiered in the UK. However, I'll give it another go when I can get someone to loan me the Season 1 dvd. I loved 24 though, and I watched it in one go, which is rather sad, and in truth, I blame that for my projector bulb blowing up. I then had to live without a projector for a couple of months as I trawl the net and magazines for the best projector available.

  16. You always save me so much time at the movies, Mr. Shife.


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