Sunday, January 15, 2006

Have You Ever Seen Any Of These?


I spent a lot of time in the bathroom Sunday thanks in part to my intake of raw fish and beer on Saturday night. Too much information? Probably, but keep reading. The one good thing about all this time in the bathroom is that I got to read the appropriately titled "Uncle John's Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader." And I proudly present you the fruit of my labors.
Here are some bumper stickers that you may or may not have seen.
  • I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.
  • My other vehicle is in orbit.
  • Remember: It's pillage first, then burn.
  • Just keep staring -- I may do a trick.
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • Coffee makes it possible to get out bed; chocolate makes it worth it.
  • My dog is smarter than your honor student.
  • Physically Pfffffft!
  • If all else fails, stop using all else.
  • Don't drink and derive. Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.
  • I'm so old that "getting lucky" means finding my car in the parking lot.
  • Buckle up -- it makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from my car.
  • A PBS mind trapped in an MTV world.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Dangerously under-medicated.
  • If I had a life, I wouldn't need a bumper sticker.

Have a nice day!

27 comments:

Tina said...

Haha...nice bathroom reading. I got one for ya - I gave this to a buddy of mine. It was actually the frame that goes around the plate. It read..."My Other Ride is a Porn Star"

nicole said...

I'm in LOVE with that PBS one!!

wmy said...

I AM dangerously undermedicated!! Know where I can score?? Hahaha... those were great...loved the honor student one too. I remember one that said."My kid beat up your honor student" or something like that...

Denise said...

Yep...more than I needed to know about your intestinal health....but that's OK.

My favorite is "Dangerously under-medicated" because I AM.

sc said...

Saw this one the other day, "Daddy Farted, and we Can't get out!!"

The Scarlett said...

I like the honor student dog one.

Blonde said...

My personal observation is that all people who have the bullshit sticker "My Kid is an Honor Student at XXXXX" are the worst drivers. Apparently, the kid got all of the smarts.

I laugh when I see the ones that say "My kid beat up your honor student".

My brother has a support ribbon on his jeep that is light blue and says "I support strippers" and a black one that says "I support road head"

SugarHigh said...

i love bumper stickers.i think those are pretty brilliant, although sc's is now my favorite. Farting makes me laugh. LOL!
nice reading, shife, hope your ass is feeling better. :)

the_mrs said...

We have one of those books----very informative material. It even wipes better than those old Sears Roebuck catalogues...;)

SuperSpyGal said...

According to your list...

I got lucky 5 times yesterday !!!

Jon said...

My favorite sticker that I've actually seen is, "My Child is a Paste-Eating Moron".

Dirk the Feeble said...

"Don't drink and derive. Alcohol and Calculus don't mix" is the best one by FAR. Awesome.

She said...

I am now on a quest to find some of these stickers!

mona said...

My favorite:
My dog is smarter than your honor student.
or no perhaps the undermedicated one!

:)

anywherebutTX said...

Uncle John's books rock. I had a trim carpenter build a book shelf in my bathroom for all 18 of his books.... I love useless trivia.

DaMasta said...

I laughed sooo loud at the calculus one! And then I was suddenly embarrassed that I was laughing at a math joke. I'm such a nerd.

My other ride is a dumb, white guy.

mrshife said...

Oh Damasta, you made my day.

mrshife said...

Oh heck, you all made my day.

Anti-Blogger said...

Hey! I have that book too! Got it for Christmas. It is almost like we are brothers! Almost.

Steph said...

Mine says " Stop pissing me off. I'm running of places to hide the bodies" Muhahahaha!

angel, jr. said...

I thought about putting a bumper sticker on my car, but then I didn't want to get plowed from behind, by someone trying to read the darn thing.

missy said...

How about this for a bumper sticker: "100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?"

Luke said...

Mine would be the last one, except, I don't do bumper stickers, or ribbon magnets, or buttons or anything else that screams "look at me."

Father of 3 said...

My favorite bumper sticker of all time... DON"T LET YOUR MEAT LOAF!! <---Made me laugh so hard I almost had an accident....in my pants and on the road. (I admit, it's not even that funny, just caught me at a good time, I guess!)

BigWinner810 said...

Good work. But my favorite bumper sticker ever is:

"It takes a lot of balls to play golf like me."

Scottish Toodler said...

These are awesome!!! Don't drink and derive!! A real road menace-- people doing calculas!!! Probably one of those PBS minds!! LMAO!!!!

Kodijack said...

Those rock, your commenters rock, *chugs another*...I have nothing funny to add. But...I am going to try.


This car was the consolation prize.