Jack Frost can kiss my ass.
Is it too soon to get cabin fever? Well I got something, and no it is not the gift that keeps on giving, and I need to add a little excitement to these dog days of winter.
I have a compiled a list of stuff to do to make these snowy, miserable days a little more exciting.
1. I am going to deposit $50 cash into my checking account and ask for $50 cash back.
2. I am going to ask for service when I am not wearing shoes or a shirt.
3. I am going to order Chinese food in Japanese.
4. I am going to blog from left to right on my computer monitor.
5. I am going to order cheeseburgers without the cheese.
6. I am going to talk to strangers.
7. I am going to give candy to babies and then take it away from them.
8. I am not going to eat at participating restaurants.
9. I am only going to have garage sales in the winter months.
10. I am only going to sell things to people on approved credit at my garage sale.
11. I am going to give blood and have a transfusion at the same time.
12. I am going to streak at junior high basketball games.
13. I am going to try on underwear before I buy them at department stores.
14. I am going to call the constipation hotline (I think the # is 1-800-GO-POOP) and see if they will help me drop a deuce.
15. I am going to wear a What Would Jesus Do t-shirt at a gay bar.
16. I am going to rub rogaine on my ass.
17. I am going to buy King Kong underwear so I can tell everyone that I have King Kong in my pants.
18. I am going to church wearing face paint with the message Jesus #1 on my forehead.
19. I am going to have pizzas delivered to Weight Watcher meetings.
20. I am going to try and hijack someone’s shopping cart at Target.
21. I am going to use a layaway plan for my purchases at the dollar store.
22. I am going to take sunset cruises during the afternoon.
23. I am going to count my chickens before they are hatched.
24. I am going to order a round of water for everyone when I am at the bar.
25. I am going to make sure I have an erection before I use the public shower at the gym.
26. I am going to turn positives into negatives.
27. I am not going to pardon me when I speak French.
28. I am going to do out-of-body shots when I have an out-of-body experience.
29. I am going to have my jaw wired shut so I won’t speak with my inner voice.
30. I am going to let someone else do my do-it-yourself projects.
P.S. My quick take on 24.
Seriously, can we try a new plot line that doesn't involve a mole in CTU. I have watched this show from day one and every year there is a mole. I figure by now CTU might have a better screening process.
Also, I don't think Jack is going to save the world this time, I think it is going to be the First Lady's boobs. I haven't seen this much cleavage since my last trip to Hooters.
Finally, Chloe's character is awesome this year. She is turning into a bad ass. And Edgar, have you heard of t-shirts? You need to put away the man fur. You are no David Hasselhoff, sir.