Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Cabin Fever


Jack Frost can kiss my ass.
Is it too soon to get cabin fever? Well I got something, and no it is not the gift that keeps on giving, and I need to add a little excitement to these dog days of winter.
I have a compiled a list of stuff to do to make these snowy, miserable days a little more exciting.

1. I am going to deposit $50 cash into my checking account and ask for $50 cash back.
2. I am going to ask for service when I am not wearing shoes or a shirt.
3. I am going to order Chinese food in Japanese.
4. I am going to blog from left to right on my computer monitor.
5. I am going to order cheeseburgers without the cheese.
6. I am going to talk to strangers.
7. I am going to give candy to babies and then take it away from them.
8. I am not going to eat at participating restaurants.
9. I am only going to have garage sales in the winter months.
10. I am only going to sell things to people on approved credit at my garage sale.
11. I am going to give blood and have a transfusion at the same time.
12. I am going to streak at junior high basketball games.
13. I am going to try on underwear before I buy them at department stores.
14. I am going to call the constipation hotline (I think the # is 1-800-GO-POOP) and see if they will help me drop a deuce.
15. I am going to wear a What Would Jesus Do t-shirt at a gay bar.
16. I am going to rub rogaine on my ass.
17. I am going to buy King Kong underwear so I can tell everyone that I have King Kong in my pants.
18. I am going to church wearing face paint with the message Jesus #1 on my forehead.
19. I am going to have pizzas delivered to Weight Watcher meetings.
20. I am going to try and hijack someone’s shopping cart at Target.
21. I am going to use a layaway plan for my purchases at the dollar store.
22. I am going to take sunset cruises during the afternoon.
23. I am going to count my chickens before they are hatched.
24. I am going to order a round of water for everyone when I am at the bar.
25. I am going to make sure I have an erection before I use the public shower at the gym.
26. I am going to turn positives into negatives.
27. I am not going to pardon me when I speak French.
28. I am going to do out-of-body shots when I have an out-of-body experience.
29. I am going to have my jaw wired shut so I won’t speak with my inner voice.
30. I am going to let someone else do my do-it-yourself projects.

P.S. My quick take on 24.
Seriously, can we try a new plot line that doesn't involve a mole in CTU. I have watched this show from day one and every year there is a mole. I figure by now CTU might have a better screening process.
Also, I don't think Jack is going to save the world this time, I think it is going to be the First Lady's boobs. I haven't seen this much cleavage since my last trip to Hooters.
Finally, Chloe's character is awesome this year. She is turning into a bad ass. And Edgar, have you heard of t-shirts? You need to put away the man fur. You are no David Hasselhoff, sir.

25 comments:

Vince said...

Layaway at the dollar store: it's totally the way to go. Awesome list.

the_mrs said...

I laughed out loud, then snorted at #25. Very funny :)

Anti-Blogger said...

If Chloe had a groin I would kick her in it.

missy said...

Err... what's CTU?

SuperSpyGal said...

Lmaooooo #18 cracked me up...reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where the Devils fan scared the priest...LOL

Great List !!!

The Scarlett said...

I think that there should be a special day of the week (every week) in which #20 is encouraged. It would make shopping more fun.

She said...

I haven't been able to watch 24 this season- it comes on when one of my other (and more preferred) shows airs. So I'll just have to wait for the DVD of this season to come out.

none - ya said...

You forgot #31.

I'm going to go to work and actually work instead of blog. Fuck Tuesdays.

Shoe Diva said...

Im back lol

I totally agree with on 24 --- haven't we had enough moles at CTU --Im waiting on an Austin Powers Spin Off of this show.

Chloe is kicking ass this year I think it has to do with Season 3 or 4 when she had the machine gun.

Dirk the Feeble said...

#1 is my favorite, and #4 is over my head. Well, it's over my head or it's stupid, either option is perfectly viable on this blog.

Blonde said...

Please refrain from applying Rogaine to the ass. Should by some chance I become MrsShifeII, I will make you wax it off.

No man, I say NO MAN, will ever be as cool as the Hoff.

Luke said...

My shopping cart has been hijacked a couple times. It sucks to reshop all your crap again.

angel, jr. said...

I have yet to watch 24. Everyone keeps telling me to give up Skating with Celebrities and to watch 24 instead.

Phats said...

haha that list is classic. #19 is mean, you know the weight watchers here in Indiana for some reason seem to all be by a baskin robbins what a cruel cruel joke to do to those people. Good luck with the list.

Chairborne Stranger said...

Rogaine on the ass-nice buddy!

DaMasta said...

Or just tell them you have a giant gorilla in your underwear.

Denise said...

LMAO! You, my dear sir, are nucking futs! I LIKE IT! :)

The Reverend Jon Boles said...

Shit, you weren't kidding about the post-isolation delerium of cabin fever! Great list.

Jon said...

I haven't had cabin fever in a while, but then again, it is 70 degrees outside now. We moved down to the south from the midwest for a reason.

Sophie T. Mishap said...

A long time ago and at gunpoint, the music industry told 24 to treat a formula like it treats a formula and nobody gets cancelled.

nicole said...

Exciting list! But I admit, I'm feeling guilty that I'm actually WISHING for some snow activity. This winter has been so lame...

Tina said...

hahaha #16 - that hairy, eh?

Scottish Toodler said...

LMAO at King Kong in my pants... ROTFLMAO at I'm going to do out of body shots...
And non-stop after-snickering from "you are no david hasslehoff sir" PS-- the mole is like the fifth crew person on Star Trek??? I don't watch 24, just curious!!

Lina said...


la weight loss 101 Ways to Get In Better Shape and Stay That Way.

Therapeutic Massage : You might be thinking what does getting a massage do for my health other than to make me feel good.

Eliminate Stress : Stress is a key contributor to poor health.

Young at Heart : Regardless of your age, if you start acting too old, you will actually not benefit yourself at all.

Body Fat : When you think about losing weight, more importantly than weight is the amount of fat you are carrying around.

Do Not Forget the Teeth : Often the care of teeth and gums is overlooked as potential health risks.

Be Careful with the Sun : Everyone loves basking in the warm sun, especially if it is lying on a beautiful sandy beach.

Give your Eyes a Rest : Most jobs in today's society require the use of a computer.

Breast Exams : Make sure you conduct regular breast examines.

Make Time for Intimacy : If you are married, be sure to make time for intimacy in your relationship.

Puffy Eyes : If you battle with puffy eyes or dark circles that make you look worn out, do not feel alone.

FITNESS : Fitness is just as important as health, and in reality, fitness correlates directly with our health.

Squats : Squats are excellent for glutes, hamstrings, quads, and calves.

Get to the Gym : Working out at home is a good option and for some people

Get Ready to Run : Before any workout, always warm up.

Resistance : The next time you work out try adding some resistance to your routine.

Be Realistic : It would be great to be able to jump right into a hard workout, feel great, and see instant results.

Bowling : Get some exercise by joining a bowling league.

Fitness and Food : Certain foods provide specific benefits for people who workout.

Diabetes and Exercise : Aerobic exercise can actually be beneficial for people with diabetes.

Check your Pulse : As you exercise, it is to your advantage to keep track of your pulse rate.

la weight loss

doc said...

Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#