Cabin Fever


Jack Frost can kiss my ass.
Is it too soon to get cabin fever? Well I got something, and no it is not the gift that keeps on giving, and I need to add a little excitement to these dog days of winter.
I have a compiled a list of stuff to do to make these snowy, miserable days a little more exciting.

1. I am going to deposit $50 cash into my checking account and ask for $50 cash back.
2. I am going to ask for service when I am not wearing shoes or a shirt.
3. I am going to order Chinese food in Japanese.
4. I am going to blog from left to right on my computer monitor.
5. I am going to order cheeseburgers without the cheese.
6. I am going to talk to strangers.
7. I am going to give candy to babies and then take it away from them.
8. I am not going to eat at participating restaurants.
9. I am only going to have garage sales in the winter months.
10. I am only going to sell things to people on approved credit at my garage sale.
11. I am going to give blood and have a transfusion at the same time.
12. I am going to streak at junior high basketball games.
13. I am going to try on underwear before I buy them at department stores.
14. I am going to call the constipation hotline (I think the # is 1-800-GO-POOP) and see if they will help me drop a deuce.
15. I am going to wear a What Would Jesus Do t-shirt at a gay bar.
16. I am going to rub rogaine on my ass.
17. I am going to buy King Kong underwear so I can tell everyone that I have King Kong in my pants.
18. I am going to church wearing face paint with the message Jesus #1 on my forehead.
19. I am going to have pizzas delivered to Weight Watcher meetings.
20. I am going to try and hijack someone’s shopping cart at Target.
21. I am going to use a layaway plan for my purchases at the dollar store.
22. I am going to take sunset cruises during the afternoon.
23. I am going to count my chickens before they are hatched.
24. I am going to order a round of water for everyone when I am at the bar.
25. I am going to make sure I have an erection before I use the public shower at the gym.
26. I am going to turn positives into negatives.
27. I am not going to pardon me when I speak French.
28. I am going to do out-of-body shots when I have an out-of-body experience.
29. I am going to have my jaw wired shut so I won’t speak with my inner voice.
30. I am going to let someone else do my do-it-yourself projects.

P.S. My quick take on 24.
Seriously, can we try a new plot line that doesn't involve a mole in CTU. I have watched this show from day one and every year there is a mole. I figure by now CTU might have a better screening process.
Also, I don't think Jack is going to save the world this time, I think it is going to be the First Lady's boobs. I haven't seen this much cleavage since my last trip to Hooters.
Finally, Chloe's character is awesome this year. She is turning into a bad ass. And Edgar, have you heard of t-shirts? You need to put away the man fur. You are no David Hasselhoff, sir.

Comments

  1. Anonymous1/24/2006

    Layaway at the dollar store: it's totally the way to go. Awesome list.

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  2. If Chloe had a groin I would kick her in it.

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  3. Err... what's CTU?

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  4. Lmaooooo #18 cracked me up...reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where the Devils fan scared the priest...LOL

    Great List !!!

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  5. I think that there should be a special day of the week (every week) in which #20 is encouraged. It would make shopping more fun.

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  6. Im back lol

    I totally agree with on 24 --- haven't we had enough moles at CTU --Im waiting on an Austin Powers Spin Off of this show.

    Chloe is kicking ass this year I think it has to do with Season 3 or 4 when she had the machine gun.

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  7. Please refrain from applying Rogaine to the ass. Should by some chance I become MrsShifeII, I will make you wax it off.

    No man, I say NO MAN, will ever be as cool as the Hoff.

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  8. My shopping cart has been hijacked a couple times. It sucks to reshop all your crap again.

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  9. I have yet to watch 24. Everyone keeps telling me to give up Skating with Celebrities and to watch 24 instead.

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  10. haha that list is classic. #19 is mean, you know the weight watchers here in Indiana for some reason seem to all be by a baskin robbins what a cruel cruel joke to do to those people. Good luck with the list.

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  11. Rogaine on the ass-nice buddy!

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  12. Or just tell them you have a giant gorilla in your underwear.

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  13. LMAO! You, my dear sir, are nucking futs! I LIKE IT! :)

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  14. Shit, you weren't kidding about the post-isolation delerium of cabin fever! Great list.

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  15. I haven't had cabin fever in a while, but then again, it is 70 degrees outside now. We moved down to the south from the midwest for a reason.

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  16. A long time ago and at gunpoint, the music industry told 24 to treat a formula like it treats a formula and nobody gets cancelled.

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  17. Exciting list! But I admit, I'm feeling guilty that I'm actually WISHING for some snow activity. This winter has been so lame...

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  18. hahaha #16 - that hairy, eh?

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  19. LMAO at King Kong in my pants... ROTFLMAO at I'm going to do out of body shots...
    And non-stop after-snickering from "you are no david hasslehoff sir" PS-- the mole is like the fifth crew person on Star Trek??? I don't watch 24, just curious!!

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  20. Anonymous2/26/2006

    Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#

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