Monday, January 16, 2006

Bloody Bastards

I just love coming home and seeing that little red light blink on our answering machine.
Yeah!!! Someone called and left us a message.
Who could it be?
Angelina Jolie telling me that it is my baby or maybe it is my arch nemesis Jim Shitburger challenging me to a duel or perhaps it is a wayward band of midgets seeking shelter from the harsh elements.
I press the button so I can hear the message that was recorded for my benefit at 4:32 p.m.
“Hello Mr. Shife”
I giggle and say hello back.
“We want your blood!”
What the fuck? What the hell kind of message is this? Hurry and lock the doors. You aren’t getting me you bloodsucking bastards.
“This is the American Red Cross asking you to please donate blood and give the gift of life.”
Ha ha. Very funny. You got me you crazy bastards.

Thank you American Red Cross for making me laugh and nearly shitting my pants at the same time. I applaud you, sir, and your marketing efforts.



P.S. If that little anecdote doesn't inspire you to comment, then we can always talk about how the new season of "24" is freakin' awesome.

28 comments:

angel, jr. said...

You should--donate blood. I always do. Doesn't make me a better person. But helps a better person with their lives.

cranberry said...

hahaha
love it!

though i must say that i prefer LOST to "24"

Anti-Blogger said...

I am better person because I give blood. Everyone bow to my greatness. I saved a life, dammit! What have you done lately? Huh?

Sorry...

24 rocks...Jack is a stud...my stud.

Darius Torque said...

A little known, but interesting fact:

West Australian residents/citizens of British descent from 1986 onwards (that includes me) are FORBIDDEN to give blood in West Australia!

Why???

Because 'the powers that be' have deemed the slight risk we may be carrying 'Mad Cows Disease' outweigh the benefits of giving the gift of life.

The fact that West Australia has the LARGEST concentration of ex British outside of the UK seems to have escaped their tiny little minds.

Oh, and the space battle scene in the latest Galactica was AWESOME!! That's what we need to see! Battlestars frakkin' over spiny BaseStars in close hand-to-hand combat..ooohhh yeah!! Bring it on you chrome toasters!!

Did that feel good to you spiny basestar??? How'd you like the six heavy guns and 200 flak gun at 600 metres??? Your crappy little missile-storm meant 'diddly-squat' that close in...and your armour sucks too...even our 40 year old BattleStar can take a nuke and not even squeal (see the black mark on the side....). And you see 'Pegasus', don't even try and get that mother pissed!!!

Darius

Denise said...

Get your butt in gear and donate some blood! Be a good little victim and let those vampires drain you! LOL

Big Mama said...

I donated blood a couple of weeks ago, I'm still waiting for the call saying it is too toxic to be used, LOL!!!

Twisted said...

Donating blood is a good thing, but damn it sure is hard for them to find a vein in my fat arms!

SuperSpyGal said...

I donated blood on a few occassions...it makes you feel good afterward...lightheaded, but GOOD...I even make sure to sign my donar card, I figure I can't take anything with me so someone else might as well use it..

missy said...

Here in the UK, Red Cross send sms! They have moved with the times!

the_mrs said...

I've been a punk and haven't watched any of '24' yet....although my husband has, and the day before the premiere, he was dancing around like a little girl saying, "It's going to be on tomorrow! Jack is BACK!" LOL!

Oh, and I could never give blood. Not after watching my friend go into a mini seizure while she gave blood our senior year. NO...FREAKIN'...WAY will I EVER do that.

Vince said...

Ugggghhh, blood and needles. Not it.

And you are about the 1000th person I've heard say that 24 is a great show. I should probably start watching it.

Luke said...

Never given blood, can't, medicine and such.

The Scarlett said...

I think they should have had some Dracula-style music in the background of the answering machine message ... you know maybe some harpsicords or something creepy to get your attention.

I don't watch it but I think Kiefer is yummy in a rugged way.

dashababy said...

Sooo, are ya gonna give em your bloood?
My husband donates all the time and I haven't ever. Ick.
Amd I've never watched an episode of 24 even tho I love Keifer and thought I would watch when this first came out.

Rocky (Racquel) said...

If ya thought that message frightened you, imagine the future therapy bills of the poor child exposed to that horrible vampire puppet you've got pictured!

nicole said...

I suck at both of these.

1) I can't donate blood because I'm anemic.

2) I've actually TiVo'd 24 but have yet to frickin WATCH it.

I'm failing at life right now.

Dirk the Feeble said...

Due to my short attention span, I am making a motion that the television show "24" be renamed "3 and a half."

I

mrshife said...

Angel -- I do donate, that is why they called me. I am especially wanted because my blood type is very rare.

Cranberry -- 24 > Lost

AB -- You are a life saver.

Darius -- Yes, those toasters got what they deserved, and so did Admiral Cain.

ME -- I need to get in there. It is just hard to do it without taking time off from work because the donation hours interfere with work.

BM -- I guess it wasn't toxic enough. Keep trying I am sure you can do it if you believe in yourself.

Twisted -- I suggest using GPS.

SSG -- I like to drink heavily after donating.

NM -- They are getting better here. I don't think I gave them permission to send me e-mail. I am such a snob.

The_Mrs -- I think your husband and I went to the same dance academy.

Vince -- It is a good show. And glad to see you made it back from Maine.

Luke -- You get an A for effort.

Scarlett -- Background music is so under rated. And Kiefer is just awesome.

DB -- I will donate, and I usually do more often but I have been busy lately. You are missing a good show.

Rocky -- As Whitney stated, children are the future.

Nicole -- Failure is not an option. You need to get your butt home and watch Jack save the world.

Armaedes -- I think they already have that show on MTV.

LBseahag said...

Get a tattoo...its keeps those pesky bloodsuckers away...

nothing like a good dose of hepititis to give you freedom....

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

That reminds me, I've been meaning to give blood. You are like a PSA.

SugarHigh said...

they call your house! wow, all we get are people calling for the same damn person that hasn't lived there in over 4 years...oh and my mother-in-law.
i can't give blood anymore. they see me coming and lock the doors."oh no, not that girl, she passes out every time & steals our crackers!"

She said...

That is certainly an original way to catch one's attention!

DaMasta said...

I fuggin' hate donating blood. And now they put this shit in there.. anti-coagulant, or something like that, to make sure your blood doesn't clot. That shit burns!! What are they thinking??!! Let the blood clot for fark's sake!!

Scottish Toodler said...

Another blog (Life in the Nightmare) posted about a Minnesota Vampire running for Governor or something. Apparently a true story-- they want to hang sex offenders on the Capitol steps and leave them for the vampires to feed. ...what a country...

Shoe Diva said...

24 is awesome as always. Super Jack Bauer can save the day with one hand. Love it.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

I can't donate I will get too grossed out and then pass out. I assume.

the duck said...

I refuse to watch 24. I thought you would like to know that. Kiefer Sutherland can suck my salty white chocolate balls.

jamwall said...

god i hated Jim Shitburger.

but he was a slick daddy.

i could never find anything about him that i could make fun of....