At the movies with the Dumb, White Guy

Wouldn’t you rather talk about Lost?
Alright fine, have it your way.
Well here is the second installment of “At the Movies with the Dumb, White Guy,” and I am pretty sure I picked the wrong month to start this feature.
Talk about suck, the only redeeming feature about any of the movies being released this week is Kate Beckinsale in her skin-tight leather outfit.
So let’s start there.

“Underworld: Evolution”
This is a sequel to “Underworld,” which I actually enjoyed.
Maybe I enjoyed it because Kate doesn’t look too shabby in those fantabulous outfits. It sucks that Mrs. Shife had to find out about my Kate crush on my blog. Maybe she won’t read today and my secret will remain a secret.
I think I have better luck finding gold nuggets in my crap.
OK, back to the movie.
In case you care, it is round two of the vampire-vs.-werewolf battle to the death.
The only reason to see this is because it is rated R which means there might be some sexuality/nudity which means Kate might be naked.

I am so sleeping on the couch this weekend.

“The New World”
In 1607, a crew of English explorers lands in North America. On board is a
rebellious man sentenced to hang, John Smith, played by Colin Farrell. As soon as they drop anchor, the crew discovers that the land is inhabited by a complex empire of native tribes, ruled by the chieftain. Blah, blah, blah.
This baby clocks in at 150 minutes. Wouldn’t you rather do something else with your life? Seriously you can not get those minutes back.

I am more interested in Colin’s sex tapes.

“End of the Spear”
A savage killer from a remote Amazon tribe becomes grandfather to the grandchildren of the North American man he killed.
Doesn’t this sound like the perfect family movie?
Plus that title works better as some fancy porno.

I will be on the couch watching Colin’s sex tapes.


Have a lovely weekend.



P.S. In case anyone wondered.
I remembered where I heard that lovely little phrase in yesterday's post. It was a line in the movie, Blade: Trinity, spoken by Mr. Van Wilder himself, Ryan Reynolds.