Thursday, January 12, 2006

At the movies with the Dumb, White Guy

I proudly present what I hope becomes a regular feature on my blog, my take on the crap that Hollywood feeds us every Friday.
We all like movies. We have our all-time favorites and ones that we think just suck ass. We all seem to pretty much enjoy the cinematic experience. So unless you hate movies or the thought of movies gives you a rash on your ass that looks like Count Chocula then you should find this entertaining. So please enjoy the ride, and as always, your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

So it’s January, my fine friends, and that means Hollywood is pumping out some of its finest crap of the year. Usually, the wonderful folks that release movies dump all the garbage that wasn’t fit for the previous year in the first few weeks of the new year. So a good movie these days might be hard to spot, and since the media will be devoting every ounce of their resources to document Bragelina’s pregnancy, I am your only hope.
Without I further ado, I give you the new releases for January 13.

“Glory Road” – This might be one of the most original films ever. A coach tries to rally a team against the odds to win the championship. Whoa. Never seen a film like that before, right? It is based on a true story; I am just not sure if the truth was heavily sedated for parts of the film. This Disney-produced drama is about celebrated college basketball coach Don Haskins, who dared to put in an all-African-American starting lineup in 1966.
This has rental written all over it.

“Tristan + Isolde” – Well, I must admit, when I first saw this preview, the gay man inside me went a little crazy. I told Mrs. Shife that we had to see this movie. What is it about forbidden passion that makes my heart skip a beat? The story of two lovers and their tragic romance is intriguing, but if I can’t even say the name of the character, Isolde, then it might be a problem. I will sit through the whole film focusing on how to say her name, how unusual the name is, and if it would make a good name for a kid. Very troubling.
I could do this as a matinee. Maybe.

“Last Holiday” – Queen Latifah stars as a woman who learns she only has three weeks to live and decides to do all the things she's always wanted to do. Hmmm. I think I saw everything in the previews, and I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that the doctors made a mistake in her diagnosis.
I won’t even watch this when it is on HBO 75 times a month.

“Hoodwinked” – An animated and satirical take on the fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood." Been there, done that with the “Shrek” films.
Watch this? Only if there are topless scenes of Jessica Rabbit.

20 comments:

Denise said...

Wow...I'm out of it! I've only heard of one of those films. You just saved
me some time and money! Cool!

dashababy said...

Blegh! I guess it's hard to come out with something original.
Queen Latifah is one of those overexposed celebs that is starting to get on my nerves too. I suffered thru Taxi the other other night, her and Jimmy Fallon, soooo dumb I can't even remember what it was about.



Mentalexrements......you are always amusing with your cute little pics. I love it!

Cupcake said...

I will definitely see Tristan and Isolde (Ih-zold) but I am a period-film lover so I see them all.

I don't know about Glory Road, but I DO know the soundtrack is fantastic. I listened to it yesterday on AOL Music (at work, I was bored)

I can't wait till the end of Jan when the new Underworld comes out. Oh yeah, the soundtrack for that one rocks, too. My son is coming to visit this weekend and I think we're going to see Hostel. Any reviews? Anyone?

Twisted said...

Topless shots of Jessica Rabbit!
Priceless.

the_mrs said...

The girl in me wants to see "Tristan and Isolde", but the realist in me says I'll just be irritated with how dramatized the movie is.

I do love a good love story, though...

nicole said...

I am one of those lame types who almost never goes to the movies. So I probably won't be seeing most of these. Think you can go see them all and come back with some reviews? Take one for the team, Shife!

This plan will probably save me at least $50 a month...

SuperSpyGal said...

I'm sooo out of the loop when it comes to current movies...I did, however; just rent one that I'm excited about..it's called "Saturday Night Fever"..anyone see it yet??....shhhh, don't ruin the ending for me !

Darius Torque said...

Shit Mon!

Are dey EVA going ta doo ah mooveee on de up and coming limbo legend from Trinidad???

Now det be deee great mooovveeee

On a more serios note, perhaps we could have sub-categories, like....

Top Three Top Sci-Fi Films You Would Watch With Another Movie Nerd When You Were In Your Twenties And Have Deep Deep Discussion's About Afterwards (with the aim of getting into s/he's pants)

No Three

Now don't laugh, was from the 70's (can't remember the frakkin name!!! or I'd download it). Set during a second iceage in Russia, all were players of a board gane involving stones, lots of murder?? Anyone remember that one??? ahhh Anyone?

No Two
Aon Flux

Charlize...mmmmmm. Deep bloody plot...mmmmm

No One
BladeRunner...of course...directors cut, naturally

Darius

Phats said...

Ha i have only heard of the last one the animated one. I am not a big fan of going to the movies

The Scarlett said...

There is so much crap out there right now! This is the weekend of the two-star movies for sure.

the duck said...

Just you wait. "Last Holiday" is suckering everyone into thinking it's a light-hearted Latifah movie, but it will have a tragic end when she does in fact die after exactly three weeks. There will be rioting in the streets if that happens people. Prepare yourselves.

Jon said...

I saw Glory Road the first time around when it was called Remember the Titans.

SugarHigh said...

i don't plan on seeing any of those in the theater. I am the rental queen. It has to be cinematic gold to get me to pay that much money.

i will admit that i love Queen Latifah. I can't help it. The movie can be crap and I will still rent it because I think she is fun...but I won't be seeing that one anytime soon.

yes- this weekend is the weekend of crapass movies, guess we'll have to go drinking instead! :)

missy said...

How come "Hoodwinked" sounds such a naughty, naughty thing to say!!

LBseahag said...

Queen Latifah needs to hurry up and come out of the closet...sheesh.

Design Goddess said...

you mean there aren't any British movies out there that we can copy just like we do for every other TV show?

Luke said...

I might be into the "Isolad & Trinidad" or whatever its called, but I have a problem with paying to see romance movies. Ick.

Scottish Toodler said...

I know so many guys who want to see Jessica Rabbit topless!!! She is one popular cartoon character. I saw Tristan and Isolde (the German spelling-- very funny about the names-- it should be Tristram or Tristam and Ysuelt-- the Welsh spelling. Wagner turned it into an opera and that's all anyone remembers--I'll be bloggin it-- it's real he-man telling-- very TROY. You could handle it easy. BTW-- I can't wait for next Friday's reviews!!!

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