Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Am I watching football or porno?


Well I pretty much watched football all weekend but I did have a moment of clarity in betweens bouts of vegetation. You could take quite a few of the comments made by the announcers during the game and use them in a porno script.
  1. What a muff.
  2. He has stuff all over his helmet.
  3. He busted through that hole.
  4. Look at that penetration.
  5. That is a huge hole.
  6. He is really pounding the ball inside.
  7. It is a game of inches.
  8. He really likes to work this part of the field.
  9. He goes in untouched.
  10. He moved it down the field into the end zone.
  11. He finally put some points on the board.
  12. He has opened up holes all day long.
  13. Great field position.
  14. He is going all the way.
  15. He is about six inches short.
  16. The tight end is wide open.
  17. He has taken it to the next level.
  18. Inside the red zone.
  19. Here comes the pressure.
  20. Jake the Snake is sacked for a loss. (Non-football fans Jake Plummer is a quarterback in the NFL, and his nickname is the Snake.)
  21. He really plugged that hole.
  22. He is the complete package.
  23. Wide left.
  24. He is willing to do almost anything to compete.
  25. He found a soft spot in the zone.

26 comments:

cher said...

i wish someone would move down my field into my end zone!!

cranberry said...

ummm....ditto cher, ditto.
we should write a book.

good post mr shife. btw, yes, there are black squirrels.

Cupcake said...

I'll put some stuff on your helmet, baby.

I just hope I never hear "That is a huge hole" in my bedroom.

LBseahag said...

There's no grass on the playing field!

SuperSpyGal said...

**Lighting up a cigarette**..hmmmm I love sports !!

totolehero said...

only you, mrshife can compile such a list by watching a game of foot....

classic classic...

T. Leach said...

One word:
Sack

James said...

Very funny Shife. I'm glad I'm not the only one that finds childish inuendos in sports broadcasting.

Vince said...

Word. I can't believe you came up with so damn many. You are totally my hero.

The Scarlett said...

I could almost hear the cheesy porn music in the background!

And, really, 'six inches short' is a sad description.

Oh, and I tagged you.

Father of 3 said...

I'm thinking of all the money I save in pay-per-view porn by convincing the wife to just watch football and use her imagination.... thanks to you, Shife!

the_mrs said...

Very funny :) I especially like the "six inches too short" one. Heh heh...

Luke said...

Wow, I never realized how much football and porn are alike. And all this time I thought a bunch of men huddling around some pig skin was about a sport. I learn something new every day.

So does this mean we should spend more time in gym playing football and less time in health class?

angel, jr. said...

Well both need some aggression and testosterone.

none - ya said...

Funny, I love finding sex in sports. Athletic guys and sex just go together in my book.

missy said...

I wish he'll never be six inches short! Damn.

She said...

I've always wondered about all that ass-grabbing you see in football...

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

Lovely. Just lovely.

And that picture is hilarious.

Blonde said...

Ha ha..woo hoo!

I told a guy that he was 6 short and wide left this weekend too ;).

Design Goddess said...

Which is also probably why there isn't a WNFL (women's NFL)!

Steph said...

Suddenly i have an interest in football. Thanks for the insight ;)

Doug said...

Dammit, that's funny...

Scottish Toodler said...

LMAO ROTF!!! As always, you rule! You are one funny dude!!!

Denise said...

You have made me see football in a whole new light! Now it can be a source of entertainment rather than an annoyance.

nicole said...

You had me until "wide left." I'm trying to use that in a porn sentence but so far I'm coming up short.

dashababy said...

I'm a little late here.
I was not really watching the games but listening as I was busy around the house and I heard all those phrases too and thought they were a little suggestive but then I thought it was just me.