Monday, December 19, 2005

What If

  • What if you met a business client for the first time and you were both wearing the same outfit?
  • What if you and your significant other got each other the same exact card on your anniversary?
  • What if it were socially acceptable to pee your pants?
  • What if the last stoplight before I made it home actually was green once, just once?
  • What if once a month we all had inflatable bumpers on our cars?
  • What if they tested intelligence at work?Would anyone test positive for being stupid?
  • What if I was the Last Starfighter?
  • What if Peace on Earth was more than just a greeting card slogan?
  • What if I was a gay porn star? Would my name be Sticky Buns or Richard Hammer?
  • What if you had to tell highways they were adopted?
  • What if you had the powers of a professional referee or umpire for one afternoon and you call fouls or could toss people out of your home? office?
  • What if it was always Miller Time?
  • What if people wore tinted shirts?
  • What if we added an extra day to the week and everyone got three days off?
  • What if they had Man Scouts? Would they have badges for drinking, screwing, and fighting?
  • What if you could go to work naked? Would you call in sick?
  • What if the old boy's club got an extreme makeover?
  • What if you could do over one thing a week?
  • What if Calgon could take you away?
  • What if laughter is indeed the best medicine?
  • What if you never read this blog?

25 comments:

Design Goddess said...

Man those are such deep questions....I'll probably be up all night now pondering them.

Atalanta said...

It's not socially acceptable to pee your pants? Shit...

Guess that doesn't go over well either. :)

Blonde said...

It is always Miller Time in my world.

I think you should be Buck Naked the porn star.

Laughter is the best medicine. It always makes me feel better.

I love reading your blog and couldn't live without it.

totolehero said...

the last one is too tragic!!!

Dirk the Feeble said...

I'm confused - are you saying it's NOT always Miller Time?

Also, in reference to the last one, I don't read this blog ever. What up now?

angel, jr. said...

No, you would be Richard Rear!

SuperSpyGal said...

What if all mirrors in public restrooms were two-way??
(Well, at least I'm not pee'ing in my pants !)

LBseahag said...

I feel really bad for the 405 freeway...


thanks a lot...im gonna go say f you, society, by pissing myself.

Vince said...

If you were the last Starfighter, you would be recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada. And I would love you.

Chairborne Stranger said...

These are deep thoughts. Hm, work naked wouldn't go so well for me. But the iraqi guys would eat it up.

And YOU-in the Navy?? LOL

mrshife said...

DG -- I hope you got some sleep.

Atalanta -- Well it is socially acceptable if you are under the age of 3 I guess.

Blonde -- Thanks, and your blog is pretty kick ass as well.

Toto -- Don't worry, I could never leave my favorite Korean Canadian friend.

Armaedes -- I hate you, and I am not going to tell when it is officially Miller Time.

Angel -- Hmmm, I don't know how that would look on my monogrammed towels.

SSG -- Then I would have a lot of explaining to do.

LB -- Society won't know what hit it.

Vince -- I did get recruited this weekend but it was by some trucker at a truck stop and I am pretty sure he wasn't calling me the Last Starfighter.

CS -- I was in the Navy for almost 3 years. I know it is hard to believe but very true. I still have the stenciled underwear to prove it.

mona said...

: "What if you and your significant other got each other the same exact card on your anniversary?"

Means you're meat for one another!
and I vote for Richard Hammer...just sounds better!

Anti-Blogger said...

It is not socially acceptable to read this blog.

the_mrs said...

If cars had inflatable bumpers, I wouldn't have had to pay for $1400 for that guy I hit to fix his van.

Crap...I wish that was true...

Thanks for making me think today. My head hurts a little, but it was worth it...;)

SugarHigh said...

i ask myself these questions everyday.
I think you should be Sticky Buns.
I too wish Peace on Earth was more then a slogan.
LOL@ telling highways they are adopted. HAHAHAHA!

SugarHigh said...

oh, and to add, i would prefer not to think of my life without this blog. :)

Phats said...

I can totally relate to the stoplight one man this is stoplight city!! These were funny. I would so go for adding another day and getting a 3 day wkend!

Cupcake said...

If I were an ref today I woulda put my roommate in the penalty box for that slap shot.

My friend Den would have been suspended for 2 weeks and fined $30,000 for the stunt HE pulled today.

I would have had to fine myself for being out of uniform, too. It's not been a good day :(

Deshaun said...

I once heard Jim Rome call Manny Ramirez of the Boston Red sox, "Mann Ram!"
Now I don't know about you, but I think thats a great gay porn star name! :-)

Big Mama said...

I just felt like I was at a "George Carlin" blog. Awesome pondering to be had...

Oh and are you SURE that it's not acceptable to wizz your jeans in public?!?!

Much love and a great post as usual...

Denise said...

What if you met a business client for the first time and you were both wearing the same outfit? Wow…other people work in the nude?
What if you and your significant other got each other the same exact card on your anniversary? It’s happened to me….weird!
What if it were socially acceptable to pee your pants? I’d have a constant diaper rash and there would be a puddle under my computer desk.
What if the last stoplight before I made it home actually was green once, just once? Your dog would get to lick your face and smell your privates just a little sooner.
What if once a month we all had inflatable bumpers on our cars? PMS would be a lot more fun!
What if they tested intelligence at work? Would anyone test positive for being stupid? That is something workplaces really NEED! Everyone…except me!
What if I was the Last Starfighter? Our universe would be a much safer place.
What if Peace on Earth was more than just a greeting card slogan? Dunno….but what if people actually made love and not war? STDs and babies would be everywhere.
What if I was a gay porn star? Would my name be Sticky Buns or Richard Hammer? What would your wife think? You’d be Sticky Hammer.
What if you had to tell highways they were adopted? Where are their biological mothers?
What if you had the powers of a professional referee or umpire for one afternoon and you call fouls or could toss people out of your home? office? Hehehe…my house would be empty 24/7!
What if it was always Miller Time? It’s always Miller Time somewhere.
What if people wore tinted shirts? Hmmmm….my vision could be damaged if I looked at the wrong person.
What if we added an extra day to the week and everyone got three days off? How ‘bout we make the work week 2 days and the weekends 5 days long…but the pay stays the same?
What if they had Man Scouts? Would they have badges for drinking, screwing, and fighting? Yes, there would be badges and m would finally have the Badges of Stupidity that they deserve!
What if you could go to work naked? Would you call in sick? I would go naked every day! I wouldn’t call in sick, but my co-workers would!
What if the old boy's club got an extreme makeover? ‘Bout time.
What if you could do over one thing a week? And go back how far?
What if Calgon could take you away? You (nor anyone else) would never hear from me again!
What if laughter is indeed the best medicine? The world would be a better place indeed!
What if you never read this blog? My life would world would be dark and lonely….and I would not have been emotionally scared by seeing Hoff and his puppy porn.

missy said...

Sweet, someone answered all the questions!

cranberry said...

there's no way i'm sleeping tonight. this is just way too heavy dude.

if you were a gay porn star i'd be your fag hag.

i was going to answer those questions but i thought they were rhetorical.

anika said...

Bwahahahaha well ... I can answer the last one -- I've never read your blog till now. But I like it.

Scottish Toodler said...

Great post-- and Mental Excrements is making my LMAO too!!!