I got my first Christmas present

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Aaahhh, the cold and flu season has finally paid a visit to Mr. Shife. I am such a lucky bastard. I got a flu shot this year, I have been taking 1000 mg of Vitamin C, but I still got a visit from the cold fairy. In an effort to minimize the horribleness that is a cold, I have been taking Airborne 5 times a day and increased my daily Vitamin C intake to 1500 mg. Well it turns out that every dose of Airborne contains 1000 mg, and combined with all the orange juice I have been throwing back I am putting down more than 7000 mg of Vitamin C a day. Guess what one of the side effects of too much Vitamin C is? Gas. I am having a fart marathon with myself. For some reason my co-workers are wearing haz-mat suits when they come by my desk. I am a biological disaster. I feel like I just fueled up for a shuttle mission to Mars. I have a full payload. Remember Pigpen from the Peanuts and Charlie Brown? That is me, except I am being trailed by a Vitamin C mushroom gas cloud. Ooops, there goes another one. Mrs. Shife is going to love me tonight, but at this time of year it is better to give than to receive.

Comments

  1. meghansdiscontent12/14/2005

    How sexy are you?
    Woo hoo.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lena12/14/2005

    According to the MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia: "Vitamin C is water soluble and is regularly excreted by the body. Therefore, toxicity is very rare. Amounts greater than 2,000 mg/day, however, are not recommended because such high doses can lead to stomach upset and diarrhea."

    All I have to say is WOW.

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  3. Andraste12/14/2005

    mrshife, the one man ozone killer!

    Mostly, you'll just eventually pee out the C you don't need, but my sympathies do go out to the missus until that happens.

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  4. Mr. Shife12/14/2005

    MD -- I am just a giant ball of sexy.

    SN -- Thanks for information. It has not been a pleasant 2 days.

    Andraste -- I got stuff coming out of all of my holes.

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  5. T. Leach12/14/2005

    Pamper her with a little "Dutch Oven" treatment.

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  6. Anonymous12/14/2005

    It's not July yet!

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  7. Steph12/14/2005

    Hey Gas man! Look at it this way. You got some home made fuel right there. you won't be cold this winter ;)

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  8. JM12/14/2005

    Well, at least we know you won't get scurvy.
    It's the number one anti-oxidant of the G.I. tract (absorbs all those free radicals).
    And you'll also hydroxylate all the proline and lysine for collagen synthesis!!!
    Can you tell that I just studied vitamins for my exam?

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  9. The Scarlett12/14/2005

    The upside of having a clogged nose is being blissfully unaware of the smell intensity of those farts.

    Get yourself some Zicam. It really works. And I'm not giving you any links because you might suddenly think I'm a Zicam-spammer and well, I don't want to be known as that.

    Take care of yourself! Fluids! Rest! Less Vitamin C! And I am sooooo sounding like the mom I am.

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  10. cher12/14/2005

    i bet your pee is bright yellow!

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  11. SuperSpyGal12/14/2005

    Wow..I think I know WAY too much about you now !!..Mrs Shife deserves a medal .....LOL

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  12. Anonymous12/14/2005

    Hi mrshife, your blog is excellent. As I was surfing around today looking for detailed info on hylexin I somehow ended up on your page. As your I got my first Christmas present is not exactly related to my search, I am certainly glad I stopped by. Oh well, back to surfing and I am sure I will find what I am looking for, and should you ever need information about hylexin, then stop by for a look. Thanks for the post.

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  13. cher12/14/2005

    out of all the people who took their word thingy off, why are you the only one getting spam? even the spam has good taste i guess.

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  14. meghansdiscontent12/14/2005

    I hope I'm not blown away by your sexiness.

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  15. Blonde12/14/2005

    Airborne is to ONLY be taken at the FIRST SIGN of a cold. Once the cold is full blown, then Airborne is useless. That is what the instructions say and I am a diehard Airborne fan. Trust me...I'm a blonde.

    I take a shitload of Vitamin C everyday. I still stand by my grandmother's cure she brought here from Ireland: cup of hot tea, double shot of whiskey...drink hot and go right to bed. You sweat worse then Patrick Ewing, but you will wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.

    Take care...

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  16. Nicole12/14/2005

    JEBUS, Shife! Why do I imagine this orange plume of smoke wafting out of your nether region??

    Yes, your wife is the real victim here. I'll say a prayer for her. :)

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  17. Scottish Toodler12/15/2005

    I've been sick for the last few days myself, although not with the flu. Tis the season. Too much Vitamin C is hard on your liver, and actually people get sick the most from not washing their hands enough. That's end of my public service announcement. I am rather dull when I am ill, I think....

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  18. missy12/18/2005

    I see that while I'm on holiday, you have become a weapon of mass destruction.

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  19. Luke12/21/2005

    Haha, I've never heard of such a thing. Steer clear of mrshife!

    ReplyDelete

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