Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I have some bad news, well some of you might find it to be good news, but I will be at a company retreat for the rest of the week and this will severely limit my abilities to blog. I will do my best to blog but I am not making any promises, so have a great rest of the week and more than likely I will talk to you on Monday.
I will leave you in good hands as Dave Barry was kind enough to share some words of wisdom with me.


16 things that it took me
over 50 years to learn
by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine ... They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Comments

  1. I'm sorry, I must have missed the bad news.

    And, oh, I don't remember granting you permission to use my image on your blog. Especially that one...it makes me look fat.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I need to dance more.
    And also obey number 10, always obey number 10--especially if said parties of number 10 have had mucho alcohol. If you walk away with anything from these lessons, it's number 10.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i never said i was a nice person. check please....today....ok, you know what? let me speak to your manager.

    i am seriously sad that you are gone. coming home to your blog was one of my reasons for wanting to get home. i've got to get me one of those hand puppets now for real.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Say it aint so Mr. Shife! Hurry back the blogworld will miss ya.

    GO HEELS wow that pains me to say

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic".

    I love that!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What are you retreating from?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Have fun at the 'corperate hoe down' (sic'
    Just think of me painting painting moving house swearing arguing with 'She'.
    May not post for a week

    Darius

    ReplyDelete
  8. super sad that you'll be away, but i hope you will have a good time anyways...

    i was once asked if i was pregnant by this butcher (i was wearing a puffy jacket)... it hurt so much !!! i made him give me a discount..

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can feel the "Shife withrawals" coming on now !! NOOOOO...LOL...Have fun and we'll miss you !!

    BTW - #13 is soooo true. I always watch how anyone I date treats other people around him, it tells alot about his future character !

    ReplyDelete
  10. Have fun on your retreat!!

    I enjoyed # 16

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dave Barry is my hero.

    In honor of your vacation and blogging absense, I will be undergoing my own blogging fast. I do it for you, Shife.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Come back soon, enjoy the retreat.

    I enjoyed the list, and quite agree about the waiter thing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. #10. Very true. Never, ever say, "When are you due?"

    #13. Exceptionally true. If I was out there dating, I would insist upon a dinner or lunch date to observe the treatment of the wait-staff. Also, I would pay attention to how that person tips because that tells how generous the person is. If you can afford to go out for a meal you can afford to tip well.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Have fun on your retreat, I'll miss your daily dose of goodness.

    #9 is the poo. Rock and roll.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Retreat THIS, motherfucker!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love that picture!!! I WILL MISS YOU!!!! And Chairbourne tagged you so I am waiting to see YOUR list!!! HURRY BACK!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. i love dave barry. genius.

    oh and...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, don't leave us again!
    oh well, we'll miss you. safe trip!

    ReplyDelete
  18. That was funny :)
    I like the last one best, let the stomping begin.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well have a blast man, your post is sage advice. Your career isn't your life, except in Iraq.

    ReplyDelete
  20. And the Cards have a good shot to win this weekend, too.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Shifey, how will we get through the week?

    Love the Dave Barry quotes. Gonna post it on my forum.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This was great. Which, of course, means I'm gonna rip it off.

    You'll be missed while you're gone, Shife!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Have fun man. Hopefully they send you somewhere warm. Come back in one piece.

    ReplyDelete
  24. keep away from midgets on the retreat, Mr Shife.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck always get me.

    Have a fun and safe retreat! What will I do for laughs in your absence??

    ReplyDelete
  26. OK, Mr. Shife....that's IT! I'm calling my lawyer and I'm going to sue! You did NOT have my permission to post my husband's picture. The ballet thing is a private fetish....how DARE you go through my underwear drawer and steal that photo!!!
    See you in court!!!!
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. damn! and i just started reading your blog.
    i will wait with anticipation.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous12/08/2005

    Hi there mrshife, a real useful blog. Can you believe it? When blog surfing for detailed info on ionic breeze I ended up on your page. Obviously your site is not exactly what I was searching for, but your site caught my interest. Just wanted to drop a quick note to comment your blog...now to move on and continue my search for ionic breeze. Should the need ever arise where you need information on ionic breeze then drop by for a look.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The world is a drought when out of love
    Please come back to us
    You're all of the above


    Incubus - Sick Sad Little World

    Hurry up and get your ass back here man!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  30. When is this retreat over, I hope you didn't get buried under snow.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I swear you've been gone waay longer than a day already. this sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I just get back and now you leave....is that just coincidence???

    Guess I'm stuck looking at Ionic Breezes all day. :(

    ReplyDelete
  33. No, no, no, NO, NO! Everyone MUST celebrate my birth. Until I see fit.

    Yes, but you forgot to mention the one person who built the arc was IMAGINARY. And the "professionals" that built the Titanic were rich, white investors.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I was looking for the perfect way to compare a burly man with wine...and i thank you...

    come back...we need you..

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous12/10/2005

    Hi mrshife, I found your blog informative. While out blog surfing today for specific info on esteban guitar, I ended up on your page. Your site shows that I ended up a little off base, but I am certainly glad I stopped by. I will bookmark your site for a future visit, and should you ever need it, there is plenty of information on this site about esteban guitar.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I tagged you days ago....we're waiting for your questionnaire to be answered. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  37. is it ok to miss you this much????

    ReplyDelete
  38. come back! i've got a klondike bar!

    ReplyDelete
  39. What would you do for a klondike bar?

    I was tempted to sing the whole commercial but then people might find me odd. Maybe he isn't coming back?

    ReplyDelete
  40. If he doesn't eat his klondike bar can I have it?

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hello! While I was searching for info on steam blaster I somehow landed here. I am certainly glad I stopped by for a read. While I am here, I just wanted to drop a quick note to comment your blog...now to move on and continue my search for steam blaster. Thanks for the post.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment