I wish I could take credit for this, but I can't (I did add a few of my own). This was written by Eric Spitznagel and Brendan Baber, and is included in their book, Planet Baywatch: The Unofficial Guide To the New World Order.
Here's a list of things people around the world are learning about Americans by watching Baywatch.
1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach.
2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour.
3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies.
4. People in the U.S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance.
5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil.
6. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown.
7. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes.
8. Although Americans, especially lifeguards, complain that they are poor, they all have expensive sports cars and luxurious homes.
9. Motorboats, unlike cars, will not talk back to David Hasselhoff.
10. All American woman have giant racks.
11. You will be irresistible to women if you have luscious chest hair and a snug pair of red trunks.
12. Acting skills are not a major requirement to be a TV star.
13. Everyone has deep, dark secrets. Everyone.
14. Ex-lifeguards are very bitter and cause nothing but trouble.
15. California is full of deserted islands, undiscovered caves, and modern-day pirates.
P.S. The pride and joy of the Shifley household turns 8 today. Happy Birthday Quincy dog!!!