Thursday, November 03, 2005

Random Thoughts from Mr. Shife

Every now and then I just like to clear out some space in between the ears so I can make room for new and exciting thoughts. So hang on it might get bumpy.


  • Anybody watch "Nip/Tuck?" This week's episode featured a face cream endorsed by leather face, Joan Rivers. The secret ingredient in the cream was manchowder a.k.a male sperm. So I am going to take a guess and say that there are some folks out there rubbing cum all over their face as a beauty mask and not as a scene in "Romancing the Bone."
  • Be grateful for what you have, and be true to yourself.
  • The NBA started their season this week, and I watched the Bulls play Charlotte last night. My folks live in Illinois and I have gone to Chicago for business seminars, so I have been to the Windy City a few times. On my last visit I fell in love with Giordano's pizza and they kept showing commercials of their pizza during the game. Pure torture. And I know that one of my blogging pals is there right now hanging out in one of coolest cities in the world. Have fun, LBseahag.
  • When I was Teen Shife, I saw Van Halen and White Lion live at the Boise State Pavillion. Me and my buddies were in the front row having the time of our lives. But tragedy struck as I was a little overzealous with a fart and ended up sharting, you know shitting my pants. I had two options, go to the bathroom and lose my seat or peel off my underwear and keep on rocking. Fortunately I had shorts on so peeling off my panties was not too difficult and Eddie Van Halen got a pair of underwear thrown on stage that he will never forget.
  • I am growing bored with "Lost," but I becoming more fascinated with the show on right after it, "Invasion."
  • The first vehicle I bought with my own money was a 1995 Chevy S-10. It came equipped with a tape player. I couldn't afford to replace it with a CD player until later in the summer. I only had one tape at that time, and it was Lionel Richie's "Can't Slow Down." I played it loud and proud.
  • If I hit the sauce enough and there is a karoke machine within striking distance I will be singing some Backstreet Boys song before the night is over.
  • I am an Air Force brat and lived in 5 different states and 1 foreign country growing up.
  • I have lived in Idaho for more than 20 years.
  • I have been drunk in the U.S., Canada, Mexico and Japan.

  • On Halloween night, Mrs. Shife and I missed out on most of the
    trick or treaters because we went to a concert. On Saturday afternoon, we are taking a friend's daughter to "Chicken Little" so we will be surrounded by little people. Karma sucks.
  • My next dream concert is Green Day. I think "American Idiot" is one of the best albums of the year.
  • My hair is growing back on my legs and it is very, very itchy.

  • And finally, I usually can tolerate celebrities and the public's and media's obessession with them, but I extremely dislike Star Jones.

24 comments:

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http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=16086375

LBseahag said...

Hmm...you wasted those panties on Eddie Van Halen? Where is the love for the ever-special Mike Tramp?

"Tell me baby, all through the night, that you'll never me go,"

God, I still know the lyrics...and you know you do, too, "Mr. When the Children Cry"

Scottish Toodler said...

DUDE!! I loved this post and the new "straight" picture in the profile! You have some truly funny stories! LOL YOUR LEG HAIR IS GROWING BACK!!! I love Chicago, I might move there again soon. And finally, CHICKEN LITTLE looks like it might be good. You ROCK!!!! BE TRUE TO YOURSELF YOU ARE ONE FUNNY DUDE!!!

Blonde said...

You make me laugh out loud every day. Love it.

Question: are you going to let your leg hair grow back or are you going to keep shaving?

Also, did this leg shaving stop there or did you do a full manscaping overhaul.

Katina Cloud said...

Well I wish they would show new episodes of LOST!! And I have to admit, I do like that Invasion show even though it is a little off the wall.

dorna! said...

Nair? Bleah... Now a real man would've waxed. :D

totolehero said...

is that a cheese pizza??? or a cheese pie ?? whatever that is, you need to take that picture away from me... i feel the fat expanding my my belly, just looking at it..

great post

Andraste said...

lionel ritchie and van halen in the same post, along with sharting and pizza.

....I don't know what to do with that.

angel, jr. said...

I always thought they used bull semen in those facial creams.

mrshife said...

First off I am little concerned about anonymous because it looks like spam but I have word verification turned on.

Yes, I do seahag, White Lion rocked my world for a few years. I think I liked "Wait" the most.

Thanks ST, and I figured it was time I put a real picture up in my profile.

Blonde -- I am letting the hair grow back, but I have shaved my chest since I was about 20. The last few years I have let it go and just do the manscaping approach. I am not a big fan of body hair, and if I could I would laser it all off except in a few spots.

Nutty -- I just saw an episode guide for some upcoming LOST shows and they all look lame. One focuses on what Kate did to get in trouble. Ummm, hello, you aired that episode last year. My patience is growing thin with LOST.

Dorna -- I attempted to wax my chest once, and it is a pain I will never forget. I did it on my chest but I felt the pain everywhere. My balls ached for days.

Totolehero -- It is the best pie ever. It is a must-do on anyone's list.

Andraste -- Just let it marinate and enjoy it.

Angel -- I will take your word on that.

T. Leach said...

I've got to get the Scottish Toodler over to my site.

Fiona said...

you should market your own facial creamer with your infamous underpants navy... Sell it on the corner like a Kool-Aid stand!

Jon said...

I saw Green Day in April. They're one of my wife's favorite groups. They put on one hell of a show. The only concert where I've seen covers by Op Ivy, The Isley Brothers and Queen performed.

Luke said...

I guess Lost can only do so many things to remain interesting. And Invasion is quite good. That, and Surface. Funny stuff.

The Scarlett said...

"Manchowder"?
"Overzealous with a fart"?
"Sharting"?

I guess the only way you could tie that boulillabaisse together would be with one part Star Jones.

Well played.

Vince said...

Fear the Green Day concert, Shife. You will be overrun by an army of 13 year olds, uniformed in Hot Topic. I've seen it, and it's not a pretty sight.

Did someone just say Bouillabaseball?

the duck said...

You really should look into this anal leakage problem you have shife. You haven't been eating those WOW! potato chips again have you?

cher said...

overzealous with a fart and ended up sharting--boy, you crack me up. seriously. and star jones??....eew she grosses me out so much. i HATE her. i hate it how she wheezes for air in this inward disgusting inhale after ever 4th word. fat pig. even thinner, she's still a big fat disgusting pig

Phats said...

Nip/Tuck is a good show although I haven't seen it in sometime. Nice soiling story, can't beat that!

Is boise pavilion where the orange, blue, and white basketball court is, always hosts the NCAA? Love the smurf turf as well on their field, wouldn't wanna go there for a bowl game though sorry.

Dirk the Feeble said...

Wait, the hair is growing back on your legs? What happened to it in the first place?

mrshife said...

T. Leach -- She's mine, all mine.

Fiona -- Mr. Shife's Spooge. Yes, that does have a nice ring to it.

Vince -- I think I can take them. I am a purple belt.

Duck -- Did you just grab my ass?

Cher -- Good to know Star Jones doesn't have the Canada vote.

Phats -- You are correct. They actually just changed their court so it doesn't look so atrocious.

Armaedes -- I went all out for my Halloween costume. And yes I know I am an idiot.

SuperSpyGal said...

I just know you were feeling up your own legs when they were smoooooth !!....your poor wife has to put up with the contact stubble for a few more days though, she might ask you to leave the bed until it all grows back!

Nancy's pizza in Chicago was pretty darn good too !!

Steph said...

What a shame you didn't hit Eddie Van Halen in the face with that little present! :O

Darius Torque said...

ahhhhh Matt!!

'Invasion' is shithouse...I mean, the wierdo little brother, it's crap.

Now Supernatural or Threshold...they rock!!

(An opinionated Darius)

Have you had your anus checked recently, you do tend to shit yourself a fair bit.????

(A concerned Darius)

Finally..don't frakkin' well mention mortgages!!

(A stressed Darius)

(