Monday, November 14, 2005

For Your Reading Pleasure



I proudly present my new idea for a TV show that I am going to pitch to the networks.
The idea was partially inspired by T. Leach.

Title of show: "Mehoff"
Genre: Legal drama
Plot: Jack Mehoff is a wealthy attorney who decides his life is not rewarding, so he quits his practice and focuses on doing pro-bono work for those who can't afford quality legal services.

Here is a sampling of the the script. The following scene takes place in courtroom.

Judge Kojak: Mr. Mehoff your witness. (Kojak is antsy. He wants this case to wrap up because he wants to go windsurfing on Mount Baldy)

Jack doesn't hear the Judge. He is staring intently at his notepad, stroking the one-eyed burping gecko he brings with him for good luck.

Judge Kojak: Mr. Mehoff, are you having a play date with your little friend. IT IS your witness.
Jack Mehoff: Oh, I am sorry your honor. I forgot I am not playing in a one-man show.

Jack stands up and walks over to the witness, Henry Longfellow.

Jack Mehoff: Good morning, Mr. Longfellow. So is it safe to assume you like taking matters into your own hands?
Henry Longfellow: I guess so. There is no point in yanking your crank.
Jack Mehoff: Good to hear that you are coming to grips with yourself. But we have evidence of you punching the clown?
Henry Longfellow: I was at the mill where I got a fresh delivery of wood. Since when is stripping the bark off your wood a crime?
Jack Mehoff: Oh please, the evidence was all over your hands, Mr. Longfellow. I suppose next you are going to tell me that you have been teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance.

Longfellow attempts to answer, but Mehoff is ready to take this monster for a one-armed ride.
Jack Mehoff: You were mad. You were ready to blow your load. That clown was going to pay for visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters. Wasn't he? Answer the question, Longfellow.

Harry Sack, Longfellow's attorney, stands up and objects.

Harry Sack: He is badgering the witness, your honor.
Judge Kojak: Mehoff, this kind of posturing may work if you were dropping the kids off at the pool, but this is a court of law. Either start shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear or rest your case.
Jack Mehoff: Yes your honor. (Inside Meoff is fuming, and all he can think about is choking the bald guy until he pukes.)
Jack Mehoff: I should have stayed home and had a tug of war with Cyclops.
Judge Kojak: Mr. Mehoff, you are making a mockery of this court. If you want to play with yourself, fine, but quit pumping the soft soap dispenser and do your job.

Meoff rubs his arm, working out a stiff joint.
Firing the flesh musket last night was not a good idea.
But that jerk off, Longfellow, was going to pay. What he did to that clown was just as bad as smacking the yak 'til it spits back. Another case that left him shooting his wad but still not getting the outcome he desired.



So that is all I got right now, it is a work in progress. I got to get going I am arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper at Hooters.

25 comments:

Deshaun said...

I don't know if the major networks will bite on that one, but I think showtime or cinemax(aka skinemax) would love it! :-)

SuperSpyGal said...

Wow !....Great script, I was on the edge of my seat, wanting more. I can't wait until the climax !

T. Leach said...

Very nice. It's reminiscent of the script I'm working on for Disney, "Choking Chicken Little."

Vince said...

How'd you get that picture of my cash and prizes?

cher said...

this is perfect! you just keep this post up and I'll never need cable!

angel, jr. said...

Wow, it's great. Maybe it can replace "Arrested Developement". I think the theme song should be "I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls (sp?)

SugarHigh said...

LMAO! That was cockalicious.

Luke said...

You had me at "There is no point in yanking your crank."

The Scarlett said...

I see a problem. You see, a legal drama would need to last about 45 minutes (plus commercials). Do you think you can sustain that kind of audience? Just wondering.

Father of 3 said...

Put it in your hand, Mr's Murphy
It weighs but three quarters of a pound
It has hair around it's neck just like a turkey
and it spits when you shake it up and down.

(Too bad y'all can't hear me singing this right now.) Great script. : Would go perfectly between Different Strokes and Crankyankers.

Dirk the Feeble said...

I think you might run out of innuendos after season 1.

LBseahag said...

This idea does not blow...

Hopefully there is an actress out there named Pearl Necklace to add some delight...

mrshife said...

Well, I do believe this is a post that should have made its debut in the middle of the week or maybe it is not as entertaining as I thought. Mondays just seem to be a day to post a little and save the good ones for later. Oh well, me and my masturbation euphemisms will always have Paris.

mrshife said...

Deshaun -- I am going straight to the PAX channel with this idea.

SuperSpy -- Be careful, it might blow your mind.

T. Leach -- Look forward to your script.

Vince -- I know people.

Cher -- Anything I can do to help you out.

Angel -- You nailed the theme song right on the head.

Sugarhigh -- Almost dickfunctional.

Luke -- I knew I could get you.

The Scarlett -- Probably not, but I will be showing sketches I have done while using public transportation.

FO3 -- Love the poem.

Armaedes -- I think that is the least of my worries.

LB -- I am sure I can write a part for Pearl.

Design Goddess said...

Maybe Fox will use this as Arrested Development's replacement?!

Scottish Toodler said...

Mr Shife, you should move out here to LA and write for television-- this was the most entertaining pitch I've heard!!

Steph said...

Hahaha I'd watch it. Would you like a hand with production? get it? ha!

sc said...

I'd watch it! Better than half the shit they pawn off on us TV viewers.

coloradohurricane said...

More, more, more !!!

Fiona said...

God I hadn't even heard of some of those euphemisms! Have you heard back from any of the networks?

missy said...

Episode 2!!

Denise said...

Damn! Your little friend left a mess on my monitor! Does anyone have any Windex?

Phats said...

HAHAHA nice script, I saw send it in!!

Sydney said...

You have... umm, an inordinate number of phallises on your blog of late. Just, you know, an observation.

Wait, I meant to say, photos of penises. Not just the average dicks that may or may not populate one's blog at any given time... ;P

Sideshow said...

What is the cough medicine you have been taking. Dosage too please.