Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Mr. Shife shoulders blame for 1-4 start



As some of you may or may not know, my favorite NFL team is the Arizona Cardinals. They are terrible and have been terrible for as long as I can remember. But this year was suppose to be different and many experts picked them to win their division. Well, unfortunately, no one told the Cardinals and they are playing like garbage as usual. Anyway, I have submitted a press release regarding the poor start by the Cardinals.

Cardinals fan Mr. Shife usually makes opening remarks during his Monday news conferences. A day after the Cardinals' 24-20 loss to the Carolina Panthers, Mr. Shife had nothing. He went straight to question-and-answer with reporters. The Cardinals are 1-4 at the off week, something no one in the organization expected. Mr. Shife took the blame.
"I'm the ultimate responsibility on the football field," he said, "I guess I am just not cheering hard enough. Maybe I should have worn my lucky underwear or I shouldn't have had nachos the night before. Dammit, they never win when I have nachos the night before the game."
A few questions later and the frustration was even more evident with Mr. Shife.
"As far as players and coaches are involved, I think the responsibility to win falls on me . I really need to understand that my actions and superstitions really do affect the way the team plays. If they score a touchdown right after I lick Cheese Whiz off my dog's belly, then I must continue to do this or they will never score another touchdown. I apologize to the organization and promise to double my efforts to ensure that we get back on the right path."

15 comments:

Cheez Whiz said...

First off, it's Cheez Whiz. And second, the product was not intended to be used in that manner.
You need help.

Phats said...

Hey I am superstitious, very superstitious! If I wear certain socks to the game and Purdue wins I keep wearing them til they lose. Also When I played sports in HS wore a rubberband around my wrist, when I lost I switched to another band. Nuts I know!

Don't worry the Cards will rebound I have faith!

mrshife said...

I am trying to get better at my superstitions but I do have one shirt I break out for emergenicies. It has never failed me. Do girls do this stuff? Or are men just weird?

Vince said...

I experimented for years trying to find a certain booze which, when coupled with my lucky longhorn shirt, worked miracles on game day. Now, the SoCo never fails. Shots for all before heading to the stadium!

Beo said...

Oh you tortured, tortured soul. Hey, I do like your marquie WR with Fitzgerald.

Whenever the game's on, I feel it's all about the atmosphere. If there is a negative vibe, then negative things will happen. Plus, I get completley over-passionate about the game. Screaming at mostly every possesion, bad call, or bad tackle.

I do not think girls do this, but if you find one let me know. I came thisclose to having my finace move out on me last Sunday, becuase she found out that the guy who broke our futon was coming over again.

Phats said...

I know girls that do superstitious stuff! When I cheered at Purdue our girls during the NCAA tournament wore the same tights thru the whole tournament hahaha :)

T. Leach said...

Maybe you could kill the owner. You'd only have to do that once.

T. Leach said...

Maybe you could kill the owner. You'd only have to do that once.

REPIP said...

No matter how your favorite team plays...it's always a good game when you have a nice cold beer in your hand and your surround with the people you love:-)

Ahh...what a hallmark moment!

mrshife said...

I think Repip is sniffing too much glue.

Fiona said...

I've seen Repipe sniffing the the glue. She's a user...

PS. Girls have weird superstitions too, but mostly it has to do with guys and shopping. IE If I wear this shirt he'll walk by me after third period and bump into me again...

But yes, you are just weird.

dashababy said...

Oh Mr. Shife. You are a glutten for punishment aren't you. Well, so is my husband. I can't believe I know 2 Arizona Cardinals fans now. I root for them, I really do but my team is the Raiders!!! Don't hate me please. The Cardinals will do better, I feel it. They are similar to my Raiders, they come so frickin close!!! Aargh.
Yes, I have some superstitions. If they are losing at half time, take off Raider earrings. If they are losing by alot in the 3rd quarter, change the channel.
As for the Cheez Whiz, I don't think you have to go that far but only if you want to :)

Chairborne Stranger said...

Dude, I totally feel for you, as a Steeler's fan, we burnt the hat that we felt had been keeping us so terrible in the 80's--now the Patriots seem to have our number.

And I am also a Pirates fan, so of course baseball season consists of cursing the Atlanta Braves (ha, they lost again!), Barry Bonds (the dude had to take steroids-he weighed like 180 back in Pittsburgh), and Sid Bream (Sid Bream was OUT!).

Also, I'd post a picture of a camel spider, but I'm a blog virgin, so I have no idea how to actually get a pic on my blog right now, so I had to settle for a link to a camel spider web site.

LBseahag said...

I know nothing about sports...but when I read cheez whiz and dog in the same sentance, now we're talkin'!

Dirk the Feeble said...

Nothing makes me laugh harder than an old guy crying over a football game.