Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'm Having Tom Cruise's Baby!

Not me silly, but Katie Holmes. Hide the couches Oprah. This news coupled with the fact that Nick and Jessica are breaking up means I can't cope with reality right now. I am on entertainment overload.
OK, seriously, I would rather watch my fat basset lick the neighbor's cat's ass than hear all of this entertainment garbage. But I am quite busy with other tasks so I am just posting the picture that has inspired me. That's right folks, I am trying to win David Hasselhoff's heart, and I am not afraid to write David a letter. I sure hope I making the most of my looks and my brain. Wish me luck, and please don't tell Mrs. Shife.

20 comments:

Dirk the Feeble said...

I understand, sometimes a man's just gotta have The Hoff.

Fiona. said...

Somebody hold my hair back while I "peuk." To which story you ask? uh lets say both. A. Tom and "Kate" aren't even married yet, but now they are expecting--apparently that's morally correct for devout scientologists. B. David Hasselhof. Need I say more? But he does have pretty hair.

mrshife said...

Oh Fiona, you are one funny gal. I confide in you that I misspelled puke, and this is how you repay me. I will never trust you again. At least not for another 30 minutes. That's right, go to the corner for 30 minutes.

Beo said...

Media has become the new Jesus Christ. That's a scary fact. You must listen to it, whether you want to or not. You will see it.

Who wants to direct you, and distract you with the media?

What would we talk about, if there was no media?

Fiona. said...

Oh go have Tom Cruise's baby.

mrshife said...

After you make out with David Hasselhoff's hair.

cher said...

evidentally, tom doesn't believe in THE pill either...not just pills in general.

i don't know why i want the nick and jessica thing to be ruthless gossip so bad.

i wonder what david hasslehoff's therapy bill costs. his self esteem must be so low. there's just no way he couldn't possibly see all the emails i get making fun of him. i'm pretty sure i have his email address correct when i forward them to him.

Max said...

Listen, Hasselhoff could run Germany if he wanted. I don't feel bad for him at all.

LBseahag said...

I think L. Ron Hubbard is the dad...
I thought Tom's fishies couldn't swim...

Fiona said...

I'm sure she was implanted with alien seeds when he took her on that scientology cruise. How apropos that Tom was in War of the Worlds.

Man he sucks.

Blonde said...

Ummm...Katie Holmes JUST SAID IN JULY that she was a virgin and waiting until marriage to have sex.

Not only is she mentally unstable she is a liar and a whore.

mrshife said...

That is exactly what Mrs. Shife said. Not the part about being a virgin and waiting until marriage, but that Katie Holmes was a big fat liar.

coloradohurricane said...

Stay away from Davie, Shife, he's my bitch.

LBseahag said...

Yeah. That big fat whore....at least Britney gave up the act after she scrogged Justin, Caolin Farrell, Fred Durst....

And Lindsay gave it up after Wilmer and Bruce Willis.

What about that skank Hilary?
Dating a 26 year old.."like, eww! that is sooo gross!"

Phats said...

Maybe you should track him down, and serenade him the song from Baywatch while wearing red shorts, and running on the beach?

Hernesto G said...

I've got some of Jessica Simpson's used tampons for sale on ebay. low starting bid!

Darius Torque said...

You know Matt....I'm getting a teensy bit worried concerning these homo-erotic yearning's your displaying Mate...

next thing we'll here is your secret fantasies regarding 'wookis'

Ahem

Darius

mrshife said...

I am sorry I am worrying you Darius. I am just trying to fit in and I believe I would be ostracized if let my true feelings come shining through. Yeah, that's right, I want to get down with all the ladies from "The Golden Girls."

Darius Torque said...

Sick!!!!...but curiously arousing?!?!?!

Sydney said...

nick and jess are back together and the cruise thing was surely artificial insemination. I mean, please. what a vanilla fucking experience fucking him would be.

p.s. I dont know why all the hubbub about the not married part, in this day and age. they are consenting adults. and of course, there is no scientific proof they really had sex. I meant scientologific. I meant.... oh never fucking mind.