Not me silly, but Katie Holmes. Hide the couches Oprah. This news coupled with the fact that Nick and Jessica are breaking up means I can't cope with reality right now. I am on entertainment overload. 
OK, seriously, I would rather watch my fat basset lick the neighbor's cat's ass than hear all of this entertainment garbage. But I am quite busy with other tasks so I am just posting the picture that has inspired me. That's right folks, I am trying to win David Hasselhoff's heart, and I am not afraid to write David a letter. I sure hope I making the most of my looks and my brain. Wish me luck, and please don't tell Mrs. Shife.
OK, seriously, I would rather watch my fat basset lick the neighbor's cat's ass than hear all of this entertainment garbage. But I am quite busy with other tasks so I am just posting the picture that has inspired me. That's right folks, I am trying to win David Hasselhoff's heart, and I am not afraid to write David a letter. I sure hope I making the most of my looks and my brain. Wish me luck, and please don't tell Mrs. Shife.
Somebody hold my hair back while I "peuk." To which story you ask? uh lets say both. A. Tom and "Kate" aren't even married yet, but now they are expecting--apparently that's morally correct for devout scientologists. B. David Hasselhof. Need I say more? But he does have pretty hair.
ReplyDeleteOh Fiona, you are one funny gal. I confide in you that I misspelled puke, and this is how you repay me. I will never trust you again. At least not for another 30 minutes. That's right, go to the corner for 30 minutes.
ReplyDeleteMedia has become the new Jesus Christ. That's a scary fact. You must listen to it, whether you want to or not. You will see it.
ReplyDeleteWho wants to direct you, and distract you with the media?
What would we talk about, if there was no media?
Oh go have Tom Cruise's baby.
ReplyDeleteAfter you make out with David Hasselhoff's hair.
ReplyDeleteevidentally, tom doesn't believe in THE pill either...not just pills in general.
ReplyDeletei don't know why i want the nick and jessica thing to be ruthless gossip so bad.
i wonder what david hasslehoff's therapy bill costs. his self esteem must be so low. there's just no way he couldn't possibly see all the emails i get making fun of him. i'm pretty sure i have his email address correct when i forward them to him.
Listen, Hasselhoff could run Germany if he wanted. I don't feel bad for him at all.
ReplyDeleteI think L. Ron Hubbard is the dad...
ReplyDeleteI thought Tom's fishies couldn't swim...
I'm sure she was implanted with alien seeds when he took her on that scientology cruise. How apropos that Tom was in War of the Worlds.
ReplyDeleteMan he sucks.
Ummm...Katie Holmes JUST SAID IN JULY that she was a virgin and waiting until marriage to have sex.
ReplyDeleteNot only is she mentally unstable she is a liar and a whore.
That is exactly what Mrs. Shife said. Not the part about being a virgin and waiting until marriage, but that Katie Holmes was a big fat liar.
ReplyDeleteStay away from Davie, Shife, he's my bitch.
ReplyDeleteYeah. That big fat whore....at least Britney gave up the act after she scrogged Justin, Caolin Farrell, Fred Durst....
ReplyDeleteAnd Lindsay gave it up after Wilmer and Bruce Willis.
What about that skank Hilary?
Dating a 26 year old.."like, eww! that is sooo gross!"
Maybe you should track him down, and serenade him the song from Baywatch while wearing red shorts, and running on the beach?
ReplyDeleteI am sorry I am worrying you Darius. I am just trying to fit in and I believe I would be ostracized if let my true feelings come shining through. Yeah, that's right, I want to get down with all the ladies from "The Golden Girls."
ReplyDeletenick and jess are back together and the cruise thing was surely artificial insemination. I mean, please. what a vanilla fucking experience fucking him would be.
ReplyDeletep.s. I dont know why all the hubbub about the not married part, in this day and age. they are consenting adults. and of course, there is no scientific proof they really had sex. I meant scientologific. I meant.... oh never fucking mind.