I have been tagged

This is almost as bad as watching a grown man satisfy a camel.
Thanks Steph at Much Ado about Sumthin.

7 things I plan to do before I die
1) Go to New Zealand
2) Spend a summer going to every Major League Baseball stadium.
3) Take my kid or kids to a St. Louis Cardinals game.
4) Make the world a better place.
5) Spend every possible moment with my lovely wife, Mrs. Shife.
6) Go to a taping of "The Daily Show."
7) Go to the Arizona Cardinals World Champions parade. Who am I kidding? How about retiring early and spending my days running a basset hound rescue on my 10 acre farm in Montana.

7 things I can do
1) Order iced tea in Japanese.
2) Let you borrow one of my DVDs. My collection now stands at nearly 400. My wife thinks I have a problem. The only problem I see is that I don't have 500 yet.
3) Tell you that I married my best friend.
4) Rescue a basset hound. I am up to number 5 right now.
5) Work at a newspaper. I know it is hard to believe, but I was actually an award-winning sports journalist before I changed careers.
6) Say that I met my hero, Pat Tillman. I met him when I worked at a newspaper and right before he joined the Army.
7) Always be loyal to my sporting teams no matter how much they piss me off.

7 things I cannot do
1) Shit Twinkies.
2) Get aroused by Smurfette.
3) Shoot lasers out of my penis.
4) Train to be in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
5) Take a bath with my dog.
6) Invent the Intenet. Damn you Al Gore.
7) Cheat on my wife. Well, come on, I had to put one serious one down.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Huge boobs. Oh wait, my wife might read this. Ummm, great personality.
2) She lets me have sex with her.
3) She speaks little or no English, but still lets me have sex with her.
4) She is really good looking, but she still lets me have sex with her.
5) She knows that that I am a dumb, white guy, but she still lets me have sex with her.
6) She lets me have sex with her more than once.
7) She reads my blog and knows that I am just kidding about the previous 6 entries.

7 things I say most often
1) Holy Crap!
2) Would you like to Super Size that?
3) Do these pants make my ass look fat?
4) How much extra for the midget?
5) Someone shit on or near the coats.
6) Seriously, I can't believe how big my penis is.
7) I'll have the salad and a glass of your finest Chardonnay.

7 favorite celebrities
1) Christian Bale
2) Jon Stewart
3) Bridget Fonda.
4) John Cusack.
5) Vince Vaughn.
6) Denis Leary.
7) Jay Mohr.

People who need to do this
1) Colorado Hurricane
2) Max Powers
3) Darius Torque
4) Nutmeg Hotline

Comments

  1. how much extra for the midget made me laugh out loud that it hurt my wound. I think i popped a stich where my wisdom tooth was removed.

    Tune in later for my lists of 7's

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  2. Sorry about that. I might have to put a disclaimer on my blog.
    Looking forward to your list, and I hope your wound heals up.

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  3. Damn armaedes. That is an awesome list. I especially like the Kama Sutra book and your #3 on things I say most often.
    I don't think I am that popular so I am not worried about the 97 pages.
    Other David possiblities, David Justice because he did have sex with Halle Berry, David Duchovony because he is having sex with Tea Leoni and The X-Files, and Dave Chappelle because he is Rick James, bitch.

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  4. 7 things I cannot do
    1. Shit twinkies - man I would be sooooo into bukake if people could do this.

    7 things I say most often
    2. Would you like to Super Size that?
    3. Do these pants make my ass look fat? - correlation?

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  5. It really disturbs me that you can drink chardonnay but cannot bathe with that vomiting basset hound of yours...where's the love?

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  6. I did this list of 7's on my blog, but yours is the best one I have read by far.

    A man that rescues basset hounds *sigh* if only you weren't married...this big boobed blonde that puts out would worship you ;)

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  7. Quincy gets really frisky when he is in the water. He has a little Mississippi leg hound in him.

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  8. Thanks blonde.
    I just love the hounds. I grew up with them and hate seeing them in the pounds. We only have one right now because Quincy will not allow us to have more than one dog in the house. We tried it once, and Mrs. Shife and I had to sleep in separate bedrooms because Caveman Quincy would not allow another dog in HIS bed.

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  9. HA! funny 7 things you most often say. thanks for the laugh at work it's been a long day!

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  10. Well, sideshow, I looked up bukkake and I would be signing up as well.

    Phats -- Glad I could make you laugh. Sorry about the Boilers, can't wait to see who gets your company.

    Nuttyblonde -- Well when I win the lottery and buy the Cardinals, I will give a special suite where you are in no danger of being harmed.

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  11. Anonymous10/10/2005

    I know a cool doctor who can hook you up with a laser shooting penis...

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  12. You married your best friend? Awwww that is so sweet. What a lucky couple you are.

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  13. alright, i'll post it in my blog-so that your comment section doesn't get too long.

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  14. Hey
    Can we add you to our links? I love this blog it cracks me up everyday!

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  15. BTW, been meaning to ask you Matt, when do you get first snowfall in Boise ?

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  16. Anonymous10/10/2005

    dude, your quotes rule. holy crap is definitely a daily interjection.

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  17. YUCK!! don't say the SNOW word

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  18. Wow mrshife, you were a sports journalist. That is really interesting. Is the reason why you changed careers deep within this blog.

    Plus, you met Pat Tillman. That one has to stick with you the rest of your life, huh. I thought they made a mockery of all the jersey sales afterwards.

    It goes to show, that not many are ever notice as individuals in the grand scheme. So, to thine self be true, and be good to others. As that's all we can do.

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  19. Phats -- Feel free to link me up. I have already added you my man.

    Hurricane -- I will get back to you about the snowfall. Boise actually doesn't get a lot of snow because we are down in the valley but the surrounding mountains get pounded.

    Totolehero -- Knock yourself out. I can't wait to see your list.

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  20. Sorry Beo the answers you seek are not within this blog. Basically I hated the hours and wanted to actually see my wife. So I am now working in marketing for a real estate company. And I love it. Miss the sports some time but the blog is an excellent to keep the creative juices flowing. And meeting and speaking with Pat Tillman is something I will never, ever forget. He also signed a Sports Illustrated article for me that I proudly display next to his jersey.

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  21. I got around to doing this today buddy. I posted it on The Life and Times for all to review.

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