This is almost as bad as watching a grown man satisfy a camel.
Thanks Steph at Much Ado about Sumthin.
7 things I plan to do before I die
1) Go to New Zealand
2) Spend a summer going to every Major League Baseball stadium.
3) Take my kid or kids to a St. Louis Cardinals game.
4) Make the world a better place.
5) Spend every possible moment with my lovely wife, Mrs. Shife.
6) Go to a taping of "The Daily Show."
7) Go to the Arizona Cardinals World Champions parade. Who am I kidding? How about retiring early and spending my days running a basset hound rescue on my 10 acre farm in Montana.
7 things I can do
1) Order iced tea in Japanese.
2) Let you borrow one of my DVDs. My collection now stands at nearly 400. My wife thinks I have a problem. The only problem I see is that I don't have 500 yet.
3) Tell you that I married my best friend.
4) Rescue a basset hound. I am up to number 5 right now.
5) Work at a newspaper. I know it is hard to believe, but I was actually an award-winning sports journalist before I changed careers.
6) Say that I met my hero, Pat Tillman. I met him when I worked at a newspaper and right before he joined the Army.
7) Always be loyal to my sporting teams no matter how much they piss me off.
7 things I cannot do
1) Shit Twinkies.
2) Get aroused by Smurfette.
3) Shoot lasers out of my penis.
4) Train to be in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
5) Take a bath with my dog.
6) Invent the Intenet. Damn you Al Gore.
7) Cheat on my wife. Well, come on, I had to put one serious one down.
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Huge boobs. Oh wait, my wife might read this. Ummm, great personality.
2) She lets me have sex with her.
3) She speaks little or no English, but still lets me have sex with her.
4) She is really good looking, but she still lets me have sex with her.
5) She knows that that I am a dumb, white guy, but she still lets me have sex with her.
6) She lets me have sex with her more than once.
7) She reads my blog and knows that I am just kidding about the previous 6 entries.
7 things I say most often
1) Holy Crap!
2) Would you like to Super Size that?
3) Do these pants make my ass look fat?
4) How much extra for the midget?
5) Someone shit on or near the coats.
6) Seriously, I can't believe how big my penis is.
7) I'll have the salad and a glass of your finest Chardonnay.
7 favorite celebrities
1) Christian Bale
2) Jon Stewart
3) Bridget Fonda.
4) John Cusack.
5) Vince Vaughn.
6) Denis Leary.
7) Jay Mohr.
People who need to do this
1) Colorado Hurricane
2) Max Powers
3) Darius Torque
4) Nutmeg Hotline
Thanks Steph at Much Ado about Sumthin.
7 things I plan to do before I die
1) Go to New Zealand
2) Spend a summer going to every Major League Baseball stadium.
3) Take my kid or kids to a St. Louis Cardinals game.
4) Make the world a better place.
5) Spend every possible moment with my lovely wife, Mrs. Shife.
6) Go to a taping of "The Daily Show."
7) Go to the Arizona Cardinals World Champions parade. Who am I kidding? How about retiring early and spending my days running a basset hound rescue on my 10 acre farm in Montana.
7 things I can do
1) Order iced tea in Japanese.
2) Let you borrow one of my DVDs. My collection now stands at nearly 400. My wife thinks I have a problem. The only problem I see is that I don't have 500 yet.
3) Tell you that I married my best friend.
4) Rescue a basset hound. I am up to number 5 right now.
5) Work at a newspaper. I know it is hard to believe, but I was actually an award-winning sports journalist before I changed careers.
6) Say that I met my hero, Pat Tillman. I met him when I worked at a newspaper and right before he joined the Army.
7) Always be loyal to my sporting teams no matter how much they piss me off.
7 things I cannot do
1) Shit Twinkies.
2) Get aroused by Smurfette.
3) Shoot lasers out of my penis.
4) Train to be in the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
5) Take a bath with my dog.
6) Invent the Intenet. Damn you Al Gore.
7) Cheat on my wife. Well, come on, I had to put one serious one down.
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Huge boobs. Oh wait, my wife might read this. Ummm, great personality.
2) She lets me have sex with her.
3) She speaks little or no English, but still lets me have sex with her.
4) She is really good looking, but she still lets me have sex with her.
5) She knows that that I am a dumb, white guy, but she still lets me have sex with her.
6) She lets me have sex with her more than once.
7) She reads my blog and knows that I am just kidding about the previous 6 entries.
7 things I say most often
1) Holy Crap!
2) Would you like to Super Size that?
3) Do these pants make my ass look fat?
4) How much extra for the midget?
5) Someone shit on or near the coats.
6) Seriously, I can't believe how big my penis is.
7) I'll have the salad and a glass of your finest Chardonnay.
7 favorite celebrities
1) Christian Bale
2) Jon Stewart
3) Bridget Fonda.
4) John Cusack.
5) Vince Vaughn.
6) Denis Leary.
7) Jay Mohr.
People who need to do this
1) Colorado Hurricane
2) Max Powers
3) Darius Torque
4) Nutmeg Hotline
how much extra for the midget made me laugh out loud that it hurt my wound. I think i popped a stich where my wisdom tooth was removed.
ReplyDeleteTune in later for my lists of 7's
I think you should have split this up into a couple of posts so that you're comments section today is 97 pages long. Oh well, it's your blog:
ReplyDelete7 things I plan to do before I die
1) have children
2) celebrate my 75th birthday
3) punch an old lady in the face for being stupid
4) tell someone who won't stop talking that they need to shut the hell up because I'm tired of listening to them
5) write a Kama Sutra book with no illustrations
6) write a skit for SNL and have it be performed
7) get a tattoo of Mario
7 things I can do
1) make a woman orgasm using only my voice
2) kick Evander Holyfield's ass
3) pick winning lottery numbers consistently
4) fly
5) see dead people
6) withstand the degenerative effects of kryptonite
7) lie excessively
7 things I cannot do
1) help falling in love with you
2) kill a person using rice paper and gum MacGyver style
3) listen to Nelly or Jay-Z
4) watch a David Spade or Adam Sandler movie
5) have a baby
6) drive somewhere on the first try without getting lost
7) say no to my girlfriend
7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) huge boobs - I don't care if my girl's reading, she knows she's got 'em so IN ALL YA'LL'S FACES!
2) making me laugh
3) laughing a lot
4) not saying something unless it's valuable to say
5) knowing the bands I listen to
6) hating pets
7) a big bag of money
7 things I say most often
1) Are you keeping it real?
2) Damn woman, I just gave you sweet lovin' 5 minutes ago!
3) Fine, if it's that important to me you can sit on my face while your best friend goes down on me
4) Get your breasts out of my face, I can't see the TV
5) Are you sure you've never thought about being with a woman?
6) Is my dinner ready yet?
7) That's not the way your mom does it.
7 favorite celebrities
1) Jon Stewart
2) Ray Romano
3) Dave Barry
4) David Letterman
5) David Caruso
6) David Carradine
7) I ran out of gas at #3 so just started doing guys named David
Sorry about that. I might have to put a disclaimer on my blog.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your list, and I hope your wound heals up.
Damn armaedes. That is an awesome list. I especially like the Kama Sutra book and your #3 on things I say most often.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I am that popular so I am not worried about the 97 pages.
Other David possiblities, David Justice because he did have sex with Halle Berry, David Duchovony because he is having sex with Tea Leoni and The X-Files, and Dave Chappelle because he is Rick James, bitch.
7 things I cannot do
ReplyDelete1. Shit twinkies - man I would be sooooo into bukake if people could do this.
7 things I say most often
2. Would you like to Super Size that?
3. Do these pants make my ass look fat? - correlation?
It really disturbs me that you can drink chardonnay but cannot bathe with that vomiting basset hound of yours...where's the love?
ReplyDeleteI did this list of 7's on my blog, but yours is the best one I have read by far.
ReplyDeleteA man that rescues basset hounds *sigh* if only you weren't married...this big boobed blonde that puts out would worship you ;)
Quincy gets really frisky when he is in the water. He has a little Mississippi leg hound in him.
ReplyDeleteThanks blonde.
ReplyDeleteI just love the hounds. I grew up with them and hate seeing them in the pounds. We only have one right now because Quincy will not allow us to have more than one dog in the house. We tried it once, and Mrs. Shife and I had to sleep in separate bedrooms because Caveman Quincy would not allow another dog in HIS bed.
HA! funny 7 things you most often say. thanks for the laugh at work it's been a long day!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your "7 things I plan to do before I die" St. Louis Cardinal ball games are the best!! Except that time I got hit by a fly ball in my arm and had to go to the medical center there. Now I'm nervous at every baseball game I go to =(
ReplyDeleteWell, sideshow, I looked up bukkake and I would be signing up as well.
ReplyDeletePhats -- Glad I could make you laugh. Sorry about the Boilers, can't wait to see who gets your company.
Nuttyblonde -- Well when I win the lottery and buy the Cardinals, I will give a special suite where you are in no danger of being harmed.
I know a cool doctor who can hook you up with a laser shooting penis...
ReplyDeleteYou married your best friend? Awwww that is so sweet. What a lucky couple you are.
ReplyDeletealright, i'll post it in my blog-so that your comment section doesn't get too long.
ReplyDeleteHey
ReplyDeleteCan we add you to our links? I love this blog it cracks me up everyday!
BTW, been meaning to ask you Matt, when do you get first snowfall in Boise ?
ReplyDeletedude, your quotes rule. holy crap is definitely a daily interjection.
ReplyDeleteYUCK!! don't say the SNOW word
ReplyDeletePesky Idaho-an!!
ReplyDeleteGone and damn tagged me!
Oh well...it will give me something to avoid work with tomorrow!
hey mrshife..
ReplyDeletecan i copy paste this on my blog and do my own list ??
would you be offended??
i don't want to cause another drama.., but i think this 7 things-thingy is real sweet...
Wow mrshife, you were a sports journalist. That is really interesting. Is the reason why you changed careers deep within this blog.
ReplyDeletePlus, you met Pat Tillman. That one has to stick with you the rest of your life, huh. I thought they made a mockery of all the jersey sales afterwards.
It goes to show, that not many are ever notice as individuals in the grand scheme. So, to thine self be true, and be good to others. As that's all we can do.
Phats -- Feel free to link me up. I have already added you my man.
ReplyDeleteHurricane -- I will get back to you about the snowfall. Boise actually doesn't get a lot of snow because we are down in the valley but the surrounding mountains get pounded.
Totolehero -- Knock yourself out. I can't wait to see your list.
Sorry Beo the answers you seek are not within this blog. Basically I hated the hours and wanted to actually see my wife. So I am now working in marketing for a real estate company. And I love it. Miss the sports some time but the blog is an excellent to keep the creative juices flowing. And meeting and speaking with Pat Tillman is something I will never, ever forget. He also signed a Sports Illustrated article for me that I proudly display next to his jersey.
ReplyDeleteI got around to doing this today buddy. I posted it on The Life and Times for all to review.
ReplyDelete