Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tips

I am growing increasingly annoyed with all these frickin' establishments that are putting out tip jars. The straw that broke the basset's back was this weekend when I was at Subway. Most of these kids get paid above minimum wage, unlike the guys and gals who actually need tips to make a living. So Johnny Slapass takes my order, makes a sandwich, and asks if I would like chips or soda with that. That's it and right at the counter is a cup with a message scrawled out by some 15-year-old who between bong hits took the time to write the prettiest little sign that said "Tips greatly appreciated." You know I would appreciate it if a nude Angelina Jolie would make my sandwich next time but it ain't gonna happen Sparky and neither is a fucking tip for you. It is not my fault you made a bad vocational choice, get over it or get a new damn job where you actually work for your tips. I am sorry you have to make a sandwich but that is what you signed up for Chief now start slinging the mayo and cut my bread. You know unless you shoot a rocket out of your ass and tap dance to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica while you are making my sandwich then you can pretty much forget about getting a tip from me jag off.
That's all, have a nice day.

6 comments:

dumadum said...

Boss
do not get pissed off when somebody asks you for a tip. not each and every person in this world is priviledged to get education or to be intelligent and come up in life. however all of us have some aspirations in life. if you do not want to give a tip, fine. i am sure that guy is not going to curse you. and u dont need his appreciation. however the guy, by getting tips, if he is intelligent, will use it wisely to come up in life. lets give them that chance.

mrshife said...

Well I don't know about that because I didn't give the guy a tip at Subway and I think he cursed me with explosive dirrahea.

Anonymous said...

Yeah he get's $6.00 or more an hour and you went home to sit on the porcelin bus for the rest of the night.

DucatiMike said...

I give people tips for services rendered that require skill or experience, or if someone provides excellent service...SUBWAY wants tips....f that.

mrshife said...

You are back DucatiMike and as usual you are 100% correct.

coloradohurricane said...

i actually manage a subway and i must say... this was one of the most f!ckin' funny posts i've seen on a blog in a long time. long before subway ever had a policy on "tip jars" i told my employees they would face severe punishment (like sticking their tongue to the hot oven door) if i caught them putting one out. i've never liked tip jars when i go out somewhere and i don't want them in my store. actually subway corporate forbids the use of tipjars, so you can call the 1-800 number on the napkin if you see one.

if a customer gives an employee an unsolicited tip, that i have no problem with. i tell the employees- if you want tips-then give really good service and you might (and probably will) get some without having to resort to begging.

tap dancing to "enter sandman" while making a sub... i might have to try that sometime, but shooting rockets outa my arse... you ask for a little too much...