Life caddy

Epiphany alert. So for some odd reason I was thinking about golf and how cool it is that they have a caddy that offers them advice. As I continued thinking, I thought what if anyone had a caddy for life? Just someone that follows you around and helps you out in tight situations. You know like if you are drunk and thinking about calling a midget hooker, but your life caddy talks some sense into you and you just end up buying an issue of "Barely Legal Dwarfs" and some vaseline. Just a passing fancy but I know we all have done things in the past where we wish we did have a life caddy.