tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post4512094774791715469..comments2024-03-29T08:29:42.007-06:00Comments on Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy: Book ReportMr. Shifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061232966394052314noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-42810716517683344822007-11-06T20:57:00.000-07:002007-11-06T20:57:00.000-07:00I knew you were a good writer - would love to hear...I knew you were a good writer - would love to hear that you continued with this ! :)<BR/><BR/>Sorry I've been awol lately - I'm back ;)Tinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03708330091391868308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-45993200938559323042007-11-03T15:49:00.000-06:002007-11-03T15:49:00.000-06:00I like what I'm reading. Did you base the protago...I like what I'm reading. Did you base the protagonist on me?Dr. Kenneth Noisewaterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06293248808640989299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-64005281268642472122007-11-03T12:16:00.000-06:002007-11-03T12:16:00.000-06:00What an interesting premise you've got going here....What an interesting premise you've got going here.<BR/><BR/>Just a couple things:<BR/><BR/>1) Use tags like "Cooper said" or "Josh asked as he shoved a potato chip into his mouth." Tags help us keep track of who is saying what, and it can show some characterization. Editors hate putting "said" first, like "said Cooper."<BR/><BR/>2) That last paragraph does a ton of telling instead of showing. The story's dialog and action should show us all of that stuff. <BR/><BR/>I've been doing a ton of writing too, so these are just two things I noticed first from being in editing mode for so long.Jay Noelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11571082583740830927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-23063888655073948622007-11-03T11:51:00.000-06:002007-11-03T11:51:00.000-06:00beauty, cooper seems to be one step ahead of linus...beauty, cooper seems to be one step ahead of linus pauling on the vitamin c front.the rubehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02679337340173731912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-78510668543733283562007-11-02T22:32:00.000-06:002007-11-02T22:32:00.000-06:00roarroarcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13901320369144188245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-81633647794533684892007-11-02T15:49:00.000-06:002007-11-02T15:49:00.000-06:00I'd buy it, but only if you'd autograph it and sig...I'd buy it, but only if you'd autograph it and sign it LOVE SHIFE haha<BR/><BR/>I think you need your own sitcom, you'd be hysterical I am surePhatshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06694684931757245608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-51848282082328433332007-11-02T14:46:00.000-06:002007-11-02T14:46:00.000-06:00I would read your grocery list.I would read your grocery list.Tena Russhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08630397939303203418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-51971604537034575092007-11-02T14:10:00.000-06:002007-11-02T14:10:00.000-06:00Here's something to ponder- in real life, people u...Here's something to ponder- in real life, people use a lot of contractions. <BR/>We say "I'll be home tomorrow." Not so much "I will finally be home tomorrow."<BR/>Or<BR/>Instead of "It seems like it has been longer than two weeks. Oh well, I love you and I will see you soon," try "It seems like it's been longer than two weeks. Oh well. I love you and I'll see you soon."<BR/>Can you hear the difference? Without contractions, it starts to sound like our characters are people who speak English as a second language.<BR/>That's my two cents.Ms. Moonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09776404747858099919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-17260391515943709112007-11-02T12:48:00.000-06:002007-11-02T12:48:00.000-06:00He just never took anything seriously; he was more...He just never took anything seriously; he was more comfortable joking about it rather than actually dealing with the matters at hand......this is me. to a T.<BR/><BR/>I like your story Mr.Shife. Can i be your date for the dance? I'll even start things off right with my panties already in my back pocket.cherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13901320369144188245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-56419952090282594662007-11-02T12:05:00.000-06:002007-11-02T12:05:00.000-06:00" Quick, release the hounds".Great line. Or maybe ..." Quick, release the hounds".<BR/><BR/>Great line. Or maybe "Release The Hounds" should be the title!!JMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05144019552337738621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-63945500002448411252007-11-02T11:49:00.000-06:002007-11-02T11:49:00.000-06:00I like the intrigue of the beginning and how it ma...I like the intrigue of the beginning and how it made me wonder how it fit in witht the rest.<BR/><BR/>For advice I say be carfeul of writing too passively. THe word was along with words that end in ing and ly are good indicators that a sentence is passive rahter than active.<BR/><BR/>an example :<BR/><BR/>You wrote -- The warm whiskey was still going down smooth but it was only intensifying the anguish he was putting himself through.<BR/><BR/>My suggestion -- The warm whiskey went down smooth, but the booze only intesified his mental anguish.<BR/><BR/>Keep gong until you finisthe thing. It is nearly impossible for uan unpublished writer to sell anything that is not complete.<BR/><BR/>And I wish you luck. I'm chasing the same dream of a book deal and while it is a tough road, I think it will be wortht in the end.Travis Erwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09420879160702098979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-78716440344801124612007-11-02T09:25:00.000-06:002007-11-02T09:25:00.000-06:00The prospects of getting a publisher are very high...The prospects of getting a publisher are very high. Funny I had dreams about high school English class last night. I actually miss papers and book reports. Call me crazy. Good luck!The Egghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01336604254549934374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-51439225127652704212007-11-02T07:05:00.000-06:002007-11-02T07:05:00.000-06:00Oddly enough a publisher did find my page a few we...Oddly enough a publisher <I>did</I> find my page a few weeks ago. <BR/>That's good stuff. I'd definitely read more.Jonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09954583977412597460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10399045.post-15227324770921300682007-11-02T05:59:00.000-06:002007-11-02T05:59:00.000-06:00I would be willing to read more of that. That's p...I would be willing to read more of that. That's probably as close to a compliment as you'll get out of me this morning. <BR/><BR/>And is it just me or does "The Office" somehow manage to keep getting better and better? Also, wow "My Name is Earl" has gone down the toilet. Oh, and you would be glad to know that I have started watching "30 Rock" and it's fantastic. That bit last week with Alec Baldwin doing the impressions was just plain awesome. See ya.Duckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13548756094548116973noreply@blogger.com