Saturday, December 19, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Merry Christmas '15


  • What a week. I just wrapped up Christmas shopping and I'm pooped.
  • I'm also a little pooped because we had to do about 7,000 loads of laundry as we had a lice outbreak at the Shifley hacienda. Poor Little Miss Hayden picked up an unwanted friend at one of those cess pools called indoor play lands. All's well now but it wasn't a lot of fun the past few days trying to eradicate those little buggers. 
  • You didn't ask for it, but from what I hear it's better to give than to receive so I give you this:
  • No that is not a tiny piece of bacon. That is the PG version of my left butt cheek. I just thought you really, really wanted to see where Fatty Arbuckle used to call home. 
  • So I don't know if it's the new medicine or if I just realized I'm one lucky guy, but I have been really happy and appreciative of the life I have. I don't like to say that stuff publicly because I get paranoid that I jinx myself, but screw it, I'm happy. 
  • Well Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you. Thanks for stopping by. It's most definitely appreciated. I am not big on resolutions but I would like to make my blog a little more humorous in 2016. It feels like it has taken a hit since I published my book. 


  • Happy New Year too. I will probably take a break until 2016.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 11, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Later Fatty

  • See if you recognize anyone from this "Stuff the Bus" segment from one of our local news channels, http://on.ktvb.com/1Qnrs5i. Hayden was filmed giving a gift to a toy drive because as the news cameraman said she was "adorable." And I totally agreed. 
  • The Liberation of Fatty Arbuckle was a success. It hurts like hell to sit right now but other than that I’m fine. I was tempted to take a picture of what they removed and share but decided against it. You are welcome.
  • My favorite quote of the week: Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. – Robin Sharma
  • Did I mention that I have taken a Facebook sabbatical? I have been off the site for about a month and I’m OK with it.
  • I saved the really depressing stuff for last so if you made it this far it's going to get rough now but there's a happy ending. Last week I was in a really dark place. Like I wanted to end it all kind of dark place. So how did this happen? Well I went to my doctor in November to talk about getting on some meds to help handle the seasonal affective disorder I have been dealing with the last few winters and I just wanted to try to get in front of it this year. I was prescribed Zoloft, and after about 2 weeks I noticed that I was not feeling like myself at all. Panic attacks were spiraling into angry anxiety which then led to some serious depression, and that’s when I started fantasizing a little bit about suicide. It was quite scary because I have never done that before. So as you can guess I’m off Zoloft because I would really like to grow old with Mrs. Shife and watch those kiddos of mine grow up. My doctor switched me over to Valium, which is working a lot better for me. Look how cheerful I look. I really actually do feel about 1000 times better.



Thanks for stopping by the blog. Have a great weekend. 







I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 04, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Pops Update

--> After 5 days of being in the hospital, my Dad got to come home and he's doing better. He has to begin some serious immunotherapy and still sounds exhausted but he's home, and we will take that for now.
--> I can't believe Christmas is 3 weeks away. I'm totally not prepared at all. Good thing I have 3 weeks. However, someone I know wouldn't be too upset if Christmas was tomorrow.


--> I also can't believe it's 1 week until my butt surgery. It should make for an interesting blog post next week especially if I am all hopped up on pain meds.
--> How to subtly mess with people: An illustrated guide to being your worst self
"While saying goodbye to someone, say 'dick hair.' If you say it fast enough, it sounds like 'take care.'"

--> My favorite quote of the week: He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. – Epictetus 
--> My favorite joke of the week: A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."


Thanks for stopping by. Have yourself a lovely weekend.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward.