Friday, November 30, 2012

Hello there

How's it going? Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I sure did, and in case you are wondering I did indeed eat until I passed out. Or maybe I drank too much. It doesn't matter at this point. I had a good time and as far as I can remember I was in complete control of my bodily fluids. What a great segue to talk about my wonderful daughter. I really should work for a greeting card company. Well we also celebrated Hayden's birthday since it was the day before Thanksgiving. She is now 1. Can you believe it? I can't but time keeps moving forward and all I can do is enjoy each day with my beautiful babies. Well here she is from 1-week-old to 52-weeks-old in just over 2 minutes. It is short and sweet just like her. Enjoy, and have yourself a wonderful weekend.




My favorite quote of the week: You don't need religion to have morals. If you can't determine right from wrong then you lack empathy, not religion. - Unknown or Mr. Shife if you dare.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Random Acts of Shifeness



  • I have been staring at my thumb a lot lately. Let me explain. It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire message. The man is still looking at his thumb.
  • I actually spoke on the phone with a blogging friend. It was weird because I know her but I don't know her if you know what I mean so I was a little nervous before the call but once we started talking it was all good. Some of you may know Random Chick, and she talked to me about what to do and what not to do when it comes to getting a book published. I enjoyed speaking with her and appreciated all of her insight. Thank you RC.
  • My quote of the week: Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood. 
  • I am not sure what happened. Maybe it was sleep deprivation. Or getting hit in the head by an inanimate object. Or maybe I just saw the light and removed my head from my rear. Whatever the case may be, I quit watching "Jersey Shore" and "Teen Mom 2" because I find myself no longer capable of independent and seemingly intelligent action after watching these shows. I was just trying to find a nice way to say they are dumb. 
  • I can't believe this time last year I was anxiously anticipating the birth of my second child. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, Hayden's due date was Nov. 6 so by now Mrs. Shife and I were hoping the newest Shifley would show up soon. Like any minute now because we had been waiting a real long time. Well she needed a little help from modern medicine and arrived on Nov. 21. Hayden was definitely worth the wait, and she will be 1 next Wednesday. 
  • I will be away from the blog next week as I will be enjoying the holiday with family. I hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving. And good luck to those venturing out for Black Friday deals. That is definitely not on my to-do list. Take care. 


  • The little man with his best buddy Rupert posing for the camera. 





    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

    Friday, November 09, 2012

    Random Acts of Shifeness

    • There are a lot of quotes out there attributed to unknown or anonymous. Well that is ridiculous. Any time you see quote that has no source just go ahead and let people know I said it. I think I am the right man for the job. For example, here is one: Well, this day was totally not worth wearing clean underwear. - Mr. Shife
    • You will be happy to know that my moronic thoughts like the one above do also extend to other areas like sports. My blogging buddy Phats had me pick some football games, and if you check it out you will be happy to see that I am an equal opportunity fool.
    • I just love when I remember that I forgot to do something. I especially like it when that moment occurs in a setting where I have to actually speak with other people. I totally forgot to brush my teeth yesterday morning and that little tidbit dawned on me at about 2:30 in the afternoon as I was waiting to see the chiropractor. Good times. 
    • If you need to shed a few tears, check out this story, Live Like Line. It kind of puts things into perspective and also makes you realize that no one is guaranteed tomorrow. 
    • Yesterday was Tank's birthday. He is now 4. We have no idea which day in November since he was a rescue so we just decided that yesterday was a good day to celebrate our furry friend. Maybe next year it might be on the 1st or the 15th or the 24th, but we are just glad to have him around the house. 
    • I am thankful that college hoops starts tonight. My football teams are circling the drain, and my soccer team just got eliminated from the playoffs so I need a change of scenery in the sports world. 
    • I am writing a book. What the hell Mr. Shife? I know ... what the hell but it is time I took the plunge and I got tired of saying someday. I am not sure how it will turn out but basically I am taking the greatest hits from my blog and trying to turn into something that people might deem worthwhile and actually purchase. Wish me luck because honestly I am scared to death about exposing myself like this. 
    • My quote of the week that I can actually attribute to someone: "I think if we as human beings would stand up in the name of love and stand up for one another I think the planet would be a much different place. There is a way to be good again." - "The Kite Runner"

    A friend of ours took some family portraits and here is one of my favorites of Little Miss Hayden snuggling with her beautiful and wonderful mother. 




    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, November 02, 2012

    Creature Report

    What am I going to share with you today?
    Boy meets girl?
    Good versus evil?
    An unlikely hero rises to save the day?
    Does beer taste good?
    How about a dumb, white guy being brought to tears by a British-American children's television series?
    If you spend quality time with a little person between the ages of 2 and 4 then you might be familiar with the cartoon "The Octonauts." If you indeed have had the pleasure of watching Captain Barnacles and his crew's mighty undersea adventures then no need to watch the video. But for those who have not seen these delightful and stylized anthropomorphic animals, then please watch the video so you can hopefully enjoy and understand my story.



    Kyle discovered "The Octonauts" a little bit ago, and it has become one of his new favorites. Well after the Octonauts complete an adventure, they get together to have a creature report but you know that already because you just watched the video.
    The creature report song is catchy and it definitely gets stuck in your head if the cartoon is on a few times a day which happens at the Shifley household. Now that creature report has been established. Let me also establish that my wife is funny. Sometimes she is extremely funny.
    So we are established.
    On with the story.
    I am waiting for Mrs. Shife to join me in the living room so we can watch one of our TV shows before calling it a night. As she is putting the kids to bed, I am trying to solve the mystery of the day. What the hell did I eat? Because whatever I put into my body was not happy and was expressing its disapproval with some paint peeling, stomach churning, underwear melting, dry heaving, hair removing, mind numbing farts. Fortunately for me, the air had cleared by the time Mrs. Shife had entered the living room but I warned her that her nose was at risk if she sat by me on the couch. She shrugged off my advisory and we started watching our show. A few minutes later Mrs. Shife jumped off the couch like her pants were on fire but it was just her nostrils. As she staggered away from the deathly green fog, she started laughing as she did her best imitation of the Octonauts and started singing "Creature report. Creature report."
    We both laughed. A lot.
    And that is the tale of how a dumb, white guy was being brought to tears by a British-American children's television series.
    Have a wonderful weekend.


    P.S. Halloween update. Sorry no cute pictures of Kyle and Hayden all dressed up. They were up at Grandma and Grandpa's house and not a lot of trick-or-treating at the farm. We did buy Kyle a Spider-Man costume, and asked him if he wanted to get dressed up but he told us that "I just want to be Kyle."  



    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.