Friday, January 27, 2012

Paul Effin’ Walker!!!!!

Ah the joys of going to the dentist. It would be a tough call if I had to choose between artificially inseminating miniature farm animals or visiting the wonderful world of dentistry.
Am I anti-dentite? Maybe.
I just find the whole dental process unsavory.
So you will never guess where I went this week?
Excellent conclusion. You are indeed a worthy adversary.
I am at the dentist, sitting in the chair, and the dental assistant (DA) is getting me prepped to have some fillings put in. She has her fingers in my mouth, some hose thingy sucking away what is left of my soul, and then she decided to make small talk. Why do they always want to have a conversation when your mouth is full of foreign objects? For the love of fat bassets, we do not need to discuss the weather while you have my mouth jacked open like some frickin’ stuffed bear on a hunter’s wall.
Dr. Mouth Fun, errrr, the dentist comes in, numbs me up, and the games begin. I can’t feel both sides of my face, and now I have 2 people jamming stuff in and out of my mouth. Insert porn joke here. Good times.
Then the real torture begins.
The DA, who is a young lady, and the dentist, who is a middle-aged guy, begin having a spirited discussion about the merits of “The Fast and The Furious” movies. Specifically, which dude do the ladies find the most attractive?
The dentist asks her if she is a Vin Diesel guy? Or maybe she likes the other guy? You know the one with the really blue eyes?
The DA chimes in, “I like the guy with blue eyes. His name is Ryan. Oh it is on the tip of my tongue. Ryan ... oh what is it?”
This intellectual debate continues for a few more minutes while they are working on my choppers, and I am just screaming on the inside because my ability to speak is severely compromised thanks to the remarkable advances of my dental needs.

His name is Paul Walker!!!!!!!! Can you hear me!!!!! It is not Ryan!!! Did I mention his name is Paul Effin’ Walker!!!!! Ryan Reynolds was not in this movie!!! OMG it is Paul Walker!!! (Yes it is true, my super hero powers are crappy movie knowledge. )

The DA continues. “Oh what is his name. I almost have it. This is driving me nuts.”
Yes, indeed, you are the only going nuts.
Now I am testing my telepathic powers and sending her my brain waves.

How hard is it to get a Paul Walker up in here while I receive the high-quality, state-of-the-art dental care that I deserve?

Mercifully, they move on to another subject, and my blood pressure returns to its normal range for the briefest of moments.
Because then the dentist asks the DA, “My mother-in-law really likes the guy with dark hair that used to play James Bond. What is his name?”
And I know you know that the DA was ready to pounce on the question like a hungry hyena because her area of movie proficiency has to be 007.
“Oh I know who you are talking about. What is his name? It is Frank. Frank something.”
The voices in my head return.

His name is Pierce Brosnan!!!!!!!! Can you hear me!!!!! It is not Frank!!! Did I mention his name is Pierce Effin’ Brosnan!!!!! Frank was not in this movie!!! OMG it is Pierce Brosnan!!


It is Paul Effin' Walker!!!!!!



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Stream of Consciousness

I had a bunch of different things on my mind today to blog about like how I don’t know if I am going to make it through the year listening to the moronic election-year stories or the misleading and baiting headlines on Yahoo or the parenting advice I learned from a horse whisperer or how I am looking forward to reading my first Elmore Leonard, but I just could not stayed focused long enough to write anything worthwhile. So I just decided to do the whole stream of consciousness writing for five minutes. Here it goes ....

Enjoyed this quote today, “There may be more to learn from climbing the same mountain a hundred times then by climbing a hundred different mountains.” I tried to see the significance of that today when I was walking Tank because we usually walk the same path at least once a week. But was not in the right mood. I just got reminded of a certain movie because I saw a street named Abode. The Dude abides. “The Big Lebowski.” Easily one of my favorite films of all time. I watch it on my birthday every year. Kind of like a special treat to me. I think if I watched it more than once a year then it would lose it uniqueness. A man has to know his limitations. A quote from “Magnum Force” and Dirty Harry Callahan. The movie “Dirty Harry” is one of the first movies that I ever memorized a line from. The whole do you feel lucky, punk scene. Great, great line. I think I was a teenager. Maybe 15 or 16. That is when it dawned on me how much I love movies and how much of an impact they can have on people. Fast forward 26 years later and I am really disappointed in movies. Just not a lot of good stuff out there. Maybe it is me being a middle-aged grumpy dude. Get off my lawn. Another line from a Clint Eastwood movie, “Gran Torino.” I think that is the last movie of his I saw. Let me check IMDB. I was wrong. I saw “Invictus.” Didn’t really enjoy that one too much. Might watch a movie tonight, “Exporting Raymond.” Depends on how cooperative the soon-to-be two-month-old is at bedtime. Hayden is usually pretty good but some nights she wants to stay up and play. I don’t know if it is because we already had a kid or if she is a girl but so far she has been a lot easier. Eating good, sleeping through the night, and really, really laid back. I don’t want to jinx us but I am grateful that she is a mellow baby. I don’t know if I could handle another picky eater and difficult sleeper like Kyle. I love that boy to death but it was hard on me trying to feed him because I did not have the patience or understanding. Still bothers me that I was like that with him. When I think about it, I just go straight to doomsday scenarios and just imagine him in therapy telling the counselor how mean I was to him. I am such a pessimist always going ....

Time’s up. Hope it wasn’t too bad to read a few minutes of my thoughts. Have a good rest of your day, and I will talk to you later.


Kyle and his cousin, Charley, just out for a Sunday drive. Love this picture of the two boys. Just imagine them growing to be something like the Duke boys and cruising around together in the General Lee.



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Adventure Begins

Hello there.
I know some of you may have seen this video since I posted it on Facebook and Google+ so I apologize that you have to witness all of this awesomeness again.
After a year of being a Mac computer owner, I finally decided to use it for something else besides searching for things like a Mud Falcon or Ambushed Paddington on the Google machine so I made a little film trailer with the iMovie.
I think it turned out pretty swell, and it is about the next big adventure that awaits Kyle.
Have a great weekend.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Happy New Year


Hello there.
How is 2012 treating you?
The Shifes are doing good.
Thank you for asking.
The big change so far is that daddy daycare is up and running again. I have a new client and she is wonderful. She just eats and sleeps. I think I will keep her around.
My old client requires a lot more of my attention.
I feel like I am Jack Bauer on "24" running around trying to diffuse a terrorist situation.
2 1/2-year-olds are little balls of energy who emotions shift from utter happiness to sheer despair constantly. But I would not change anything. Those 2 kids make the future worth living and fighting for, and also makes me thankful.
I am tapping into the power of gratitude, and hope that being more grateful leads to more happiness and optimism. The really awesome thing about gratitude is that it does not cost anything.

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.