Friday, May 27, 2011

Let It All Hang Out This Memorial Day Weekend!!!



I am enjoying the long weekend with family and friends. I hope you are too. Regular blogging will resume next week. Take care.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Highlights of the week

  • Getting banned from Wikipedia for a period of infinity. Awesome.
  • I have also been banned from seeing The Spice Girls movie by Mrs. Shife, and I was denied entry to Canada for a few years. That is a good story but I will have to save that for another day.
  • Kyle finding his hat for the next royal wedding.


  • I am going to scare some of the religious nut jobs out there on "Judgment Day" and leave shoes with dry ice in them in their yard.
  • Speaking of Judgment Day, Tank is pretty excited because he heard that all dogs go to Heaven.
  • Hearing the words horse herpes in the news.
  • Watching "Bridesmaids."
  • Playing softball in the actual sunshine.
  • I was kind to my digestive system and just placed the Taco Bell burrito directly into the toilet.
Have a good one, and I guess if I don't hear from you then you got the "Beam me up, Goddy" signal.

Friday, May 13, 2011

More Randomness from The Shifeness

  • Seriously JC, did you have to schedule the rapture on Saturday, May 21? I already have plans my man ... “Jersey Shore” marathon oh righteous one. I think everyone would find it much more agreeable if you could push this out to Monday. Nobody likes Mondays. Something to think about there messiah, and this is totally going to end my consecutive days alive streak.
  • I think this might be a sign from the universe that it is time to cut back on the TV especially since Steve is on the way. And Steve would be the name that Kyle gave the baby. Anyway, I have had 4 shows I liked cancelled on me: “Terriers”, “Lights Out”, “The Chicago Code”, and “Breaking In”.
  • Speaking of Steve, I have not met the other host of “Blue’s Clues” yet but I have heard from some excellent sources that he stinks. Fortunately we are still in the Steve era.
  • Kyle gets some morning light in his bedroom around 6, and he is usually up and ready to roll a few minutes later. Well I finally got tired of getting up that early and actually used that thing between my ears. I put up some window film that is keeping the light out and the little man did not get up until 7:30, which is awesome. I am not a morning person but I feel a lot better at 7:30 than I do at 6 in the am.
  • Since Kyle is a sponge I had to quit listening to a lot of the podcasts I enjoy because they use too much adult language. I got back into music and right now I am really enjoying Stone Sour and Shinedown. Anybody have some musical suggestions for me?
  • Do you think a prison inmate puts “It’s Complicated” as his/her relationship status on Facebook?
  • And my tip of the week: If you want to lose 15 pounds quickly then move your bathroom scale from a hard surface to carpet, and you will have great success.



I hope everyone gets to watch the video so you can see that I am doing an excellent job of raising my son. I think this is going to be exhibit A when they prosecute me and make him a ward of the court, and it looks like crazy didn't skip a generation.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Hola amigos. Happy Cinco de Mayo or as we say around my house, "Is it Friday yet?"
  • Remember those eye-wash stations they had in chemistry labs? Wal-Mart should have those in their stores so I can erase the horrors I saw there this morning. Oh people of Wal-Mart how you take the casualness of sweat pants to a whole new level. I had not been there in months and was not ready for the optical apocalypse.
  • Got any name ideas for the next Shifeleteer while he or she is in the womb? Mrs. Shife has rejected everything so far. 3.0 (Kyle was 2.0), Shaq, Chip, Squirt, Deuce (Sorry Dr. Ken), and ESPN (Expecting a Shife Probably in November).
  • Kyle has started packing grapes in his cheek and he looks like a baseball player with a wad of Redman chewing tobacco stuffed in there.
  • I am turning into quite the craftsman. I built Kyle a climbing wall out of some pallets and then I made him some pedal blocks for his tricycle.
  • Anyone watch "The Amazing Race"? Were you as happy as me and my lovely wife when the Goth team got eliminated last week?
  • Kyle has a new pal, Blue. We have been watching "Blue's Clues" quite a bit so I am now an expert in another world besides Sesame Street.
  • Being Kyle's dad is awesome and this probably sums it up best, "To be your father is the greatest honor I have ever received. It allowed me to touch mystery for a moment, and to see my love made flesh. If I could have but one wish, it would be for you to pass that love along. After all, there is not much more to life than that." - Kent Nerburn